Breaking Point
by Andrea187
Summary: With a brutal killer on the lose and Castle going down a rabbit hole...Can Beckett save him? Can Castle and Beckett solve the case before he breaks?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: After lack of inspiration this came up...is post Watershed and it will be pretty dark and dramatic because I love drama...as usual please REVIEW AND ENJOY this new story...**

* * *

He woke up startled. He was sweaty and trembling badly. He hadn't had a nightmare so terrifying since Beckett said yes to his marriage proposal. Instinctively, he turned to the opposite site of their bed. It was empty. He took his phone from his nightstand and checked it. There were two texts both from Beckett.

_"Caught a break on the case. Going to arrest the suspect. I'll be home by 11. Love U, Kate."_

And the second read.

_"Paperwork is endless. Don't know when I'll get home, Kate"_

So she was working. He didn't really mind her working late, even though he thought it wasn't really good for her to work that late, considering sometimes she would just spend the night at the Precinct sleeping on the couch of the break room. However, the case she was working that day was particularly difficult to wrap up.

He stood up and walked to his office, knowing he wasn't gonna get anymore sleep, so he figured he could just talk to the one person no one close to him knew about and yet the one person who knew everything and everyone around Richard's Castle life. He poured himself some scotch and called her.

"Rick, you better have a good reason to wake me up at three in the morning." said the tired voice of Caroline Bishop.

"I'm sorry I woke you, but I really needed to talk to you." Castle voice shook a little.

"Nightmare?"

"Yeah." After almost twenty seven years of friendship she knew him like anyone did.

"Was it about Kate again?" she asked.

"No." said, pouring more scotch. "It was about me." When he brought the glass to his mouth he couldn't not notice how badly this had affected him.

"What did you dreamed?"

"I dreamed I killed someone."

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I know it's being days since I uploaded this story, but the thing is that I've been traveling a lot, so I don't get a lot of time to write the story...however...I'll try to be more consistent...anyway as always please ENJOY AND REVIEW!**

* * *

Rick Castle didn't consider himself as an alcoholic. He did like the taste of a good wine, or a good scotch, but he was never addicted to any of it. Tonight however, he was considering what every alcoholic considers before giving in to the liquor, he was considering that the scotch was gonna take all the confusion and fear he was feeling right now. Until he heard the voice on the phone.

"Rick, what was your dream about?" Caroline said.

"Don't wanna talk about it." Castle drank some more scotch.

"I wasn't asking what you want." She heard Castle sighing at the end of the line.

"I was walking in some empty street at night, there was smoke...coming from somewhere and I just kept walking...like I wasn't myself and yet it felt so familiar...It was dark...the only light came from a pole near an old phone booth...and there was a man standing there...and suddenly I felt so angry...rage that was burning every cell of my body...I walked towards the man, but he didn't look at me and my anger just increased...it was as if I was so disgusted by his presence...I couldn't stand it...his face didn't even flinch when I looked at him...so I slammed him at the phone booth window...it broke into pieces...I took one of the broken pieces and I looked at the man in the eyes...he was smiling...so I...stuck the glass in his throat...and then I woke up..." Castle finished drinking more. He had tears in his eyes, but because he had never been more scared of himself like this.

"How long has it been since you got a decent sleep?" Caroline asked, sounding concerned.

"You know I have never gotten any decent sleep Caroline." Castle whispered. "I've had bad dreams before, you know that."

"Why is this one different?"

"Because I enjoyed killing the man." He knew that was only gonna make Caroline more worried about him, but he couldn't deal with that right now, so he hung up and gave into the burning taste of scotch hoping to forget how much he enjoyed sticking a glass in a man's throat, not knowing that what was about to come, might change him forever.

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm sorry it takes me soo long to update, but the thing is that this story is coming a little more complicated that I thought and I want to do it right, so bare with me, whoever is reading this...you're gonna see that it resembles a little with Hannibal the TV series, but it's not my intention to copy anything...so it may seem creepy, but I just love Castle and Hannibal gives me some drama I could use in this story...as usual please REVIEW and ENJOY (which is the most important thing)**

* * *

Beckett didn't arrived until six in the morning. To say she was tired was an understatement. She was running on fumes and her the only thing making her move forward was the warm bed and the protective arms of her fiancé. When she finally got in their room, she noticed that all the bed was messed up and Castle wasn't sleeping, but the thing that made her forgot how tired she was, was the fact that Castle's office had the doors closed. He never leaves both doors closed. Even if he has writer's block, Becket could always come in his office with a cup of coffee or something. She approached in less than a second and opened the door. Oh boy...she wasn't expecting what she saw.

She went back to the numerous times she had to pull her own father from the couch, drunk and unconscious. Castle was completely out, his head resting on his closed laptop, with a notebook with leather cover and an empty bottle of scotch. She didn't pay close attention to the notebook, because her main priority was Castle.

"Castle..." She whispered. Nothing. "Castle wake up." She said a little more loudly and shaking his shoulder. He finally began to stir.

"What...?" Castle mumbled. Then, he looked up to find the concerned eyes of Kate Beckett. "Kate..."

"Come on, let me take you to the bedroom and get you some water." Then, she pulled him from his chair and slowly made their way back to the bedroom. She laid him down and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Castle in the meantime, rested his head against the pillows with a pounding headache and a horrible feeling. The alcohol didn't serve its purpose of forgetting, because he still remembered the horrible dream and his little chat with Caroline Bishop.

"Here." Beckett said giving Castle the glass of water and a couple of aspirins. He almost drank the water at once.

"You just came back?" He asked trying avoid her questions.

"Yeah, paperwork took forever." They fell into a somehow awkward silence.

"Come here." Castle said and moved so that Beckett could lay down next to him. With her clothes still on, she laid her head on Castle's chest as he pulled her closer.

"You never leave the doors close." She said after a while. "Why?" Oh now that's a loaded question. He only sighed.

"Not important anymore." He deflected. "So, did you close the case?"

"I told you we did, I was just finishing paperwork." She answered, but her mind stayed in the fact that she had already mention the case and the paperwork. "Didn't you get my texts?"

"I...yeah sorry I'm a little distracted that's all." There he was deflecting again. "I'm sorry you had to find me that way...I have story problems." He said after a while. Beckett decided not to push...yet.

"Is Nikki in trouble?" Beckett joked. He didn't answer. "Rook...?"

"I don't know." He said honestly turning his head to face her. Her expression was puzzled. He smiled. "I'll figure it out." After a couple of hours or minutes, Castle didn't really know, Beckett's phone rang. It was Esposito.

"What?" She said angrily. She listen for a while. "Ok, please send me the address and we'll be right there." Then, she hanged up.

"A body dropped?" Castle asked even though he already knew the answer.

"Yeah." She stood up from the bed and went to the closet to change clothes quickly. "Come on, a case might distract you from Nikki and Rook's problems." Castle made a forced smile. She was trying to help, but he doubted that a murder was gonna make him feel better. Nonetheless, he smiled.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They met Esposito outside of what looked to be an abandoned building. When Castle and Beckett approached he had a weird expression. Castle was definitely not going to like this case, especially after he had just killed someone in his sleep. There were reporters around the yellow tape when Castle and Beckett crossed it.

"Why are there reporters Espo?" Beckett asked as the three of them walked towards the building.

"Because of the crime scene." Esposito was so serious very unlike him.

It wasn't until they got inside the apartment on the third floor that both of them understood the seriousness of the situation. Castle and Beckett gasped at the scene before their eyes. The victim was a woman. She was dressed in a white uniform, but she wasn't a nurse. Her eyes were open, her stare hollow and she was covered in blood, in fact there was a lot of blood around, but the one thing that creep them out was that the victim had the back of her skull open and in her hands she had half of her own brain. This wasn't just a freaky murder, that Castle could use in one of his books, this murder showed the irrational, psychotic aspect of the human being.

"Jesus christ." Beckett whispered putting a hand on her mouth. She saw Lanie who was behind the woman.

"This is probably the worst case I've ever seen." Lanie said. Oddly enough Castle was awfully quiet. "She's in her late 40s, no ID, there are restraining marks on her wrists and ankles, but the cause of death is not the removal of her right hemisphere of her brain, she was stabbed with an icepick on her neck and while she bled out, whoever did this opened her head." Lanie finished clearly shaken up by it.

"So, since this is an abandoned building there are no witnesses." Ryan walked in and joined them.

"So, who called about the murder?" Beckett asked.

"The killer left a recording, put it against a burner phone and left the line opened." Esposito answered.

"So whoever did this wanted us to find her."Beckett concluded. She looked at Castle, but there was something about him that was starting to worry her. He was staring at the body so focus and yet so absent at the same time. "Castle?" Beckett called, but he didn't move. It was like he wasn't there. "Castle?" She called again a little louder. He ignored her again and walked up to the next room. Exchanging an estranged look with Ryan and Esposito she followed him. The next room was empty, Castle walked up to the bathroom, took the trash can and then looked at Beckett.

"Maybe you can get a print." He said giving her the can and walking out of the place. She looked down to find bloody latex gloves. How in the hell did he know that?

* * *

**A/N: More to come...**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys soo here's the next chapter...I warn you it probably will get darker as the story goes along...please REVIEW, but the most important thing ENJOY!**

* * *

The ride back to the precinct was silent. Castle kept staring at the window and Beckett gave him eventual glances. She was worried, but the question that was burning through her brain was how in the world did he know about those gloves? CSU checked the place twice and they didn't find any other evidence from the killer. Since she found Castle unconscious on his office chair, with an empty bottle of scotch, she knew something happened. He'd never do something like that especially because he knew about her father. What happened for Castle to do something like that?

"Are you Ok?" Beckett asked feeling completely stupid by asking that. They both knew something was wrong.

"Fine." Castle said in a low voice. They fell into silence again.

"How did you know about the gloves?" Beckett looked at him. His face was impossible to read.

"Lucky guess." He said and stared at the window until they arrived to the precinct.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Castle and Beckett arrived at the 12th, both Ryan and Esposito had already started the murder board. The air felt tense. The detectives on the floor were looking at the murder board half expectant and half scared. Everyone knew that this case was gonna be the toughest challenge for the three detectives and Castle. Quietly and without looking at anyone, Castle made his way to his chair and waited. Before Beckett sat on her desk, Esposito took her arm and led her to the break room.

"What the hell was that at the crime scene?" He asked, looking at Castle through the window.

"Javi I have no idea, but I'm worried." Beckett answered. "So where are we?" She needed to change the topic.

"Well about a block form the building there are traffic cameras, tech is now working to find something, prints just came back from our vic, her name is Mary Sedgwick and she worked at an animal shelter in lower Manhattan." Esposito informed.

"Okay contact the shelter see if someone can tell us where she was last night, before ending up in that building." Beckett commanded.

"Sure." He said but stopped at the door and looked at Beckett. "You better talk to him Kate, there's something wrong with him." Then he left. She walked out of the break room and sat on her desk.

"Hey Ryan, see if tech can pull something useful from that recording." Beckett said.

"On it." He said picking up the phone immediately.

"Castle are you sure you're up for this one? I mean you don't look good." Beckett put her hand on his forearm. He looked at her and was about to answer when...

"CSU just confirmed that the gloves Castle found had fingerprints that do not belong to the vic, they're running them now." Ryan said.

"I'm gonna go and make some coffee." Castle said standing up. He was acting so strange.

"Castle wait..." She started but Castle interrupted her.

"Look Beckett, it's fine." He assured her and left to the break room.

xxxxxxxxxxx

When Castle was sure that Beckett wasn't looking at him anymore, he went straight to the restroom. He splashed cold water on his face and looked at his reflection on the mirror. What the hell was happening? First the nightmare and now this case? He didn't know how to explain to Beckett that what really happened in that crime scene was him thinking of himself as the killer. It was like the way the killer left that woman had waken something inside him. A feeling he hadn't felt before. Power. It was like he understood every single action of the murderer. It was just so obvious to him what the killer did and why he did it, that the conclusion was right there in front of them but they weren't seeing it. The had a serial killer on their hands.

He went to the break room and prepared the coffee with his hands still shaking. Beckett was not gonna let this thing go, she was going to keep asking, but the thing was that he wasn't ready to tell her anything. He had to talk to Caroline Bishop in person, so he took out his phone and sent a quick message to her.

_"The case is giving a hard time, we need to talk...I need help...I think is coming back."_

He pressed send and went back to Beckett's desk, what he didn't notice was that Ryan, Beckett and Esposito were looking at him seriously. Oh boy, they were gonna make him talk. He gave Beckett the mug with warm coffee as the three detectives made their way to the conference room. Sighing he followed. Castle sat down, but the others didn't.

"What's wrong?" Castle faked innocence.

"Castle explain to us how did you know about the gloves." Esposito requested.

"I already told Beckett, it was a lucky guess." Castle avoid their glances by looking at his own coffee.

"Castle you weren't yourself in that crime scene, we saw you, it was like you went to a different place." Ryan pushed. "Come on Castle we're your friends, you can tell us." Ryan sat down in the chair in front of him.

"The curious incident of the dog in the nighttime." Castle said quietly. Suddenly Beckett understood.

"What?" Esposito asked before Beckett could say something. Castle took a deep breath.

"Looking for the thing that wasn't there." He explained. "He performed a surgical procedure and he's smart, it was obvious that he used gloves." He said quickly trying not to make a big deal about it. "You have to be patient with genius guys like me guys." He joked and both Ryan and Esposito sighed in relief as they saw his friend back to normal. However, Beckett didn't smile, if so she was even more concerned. He was deflecting again.

"You had us scared for a moment there Castle" Esposito said standing up and leaving. Ryan did the same, leaving both Castle and Beckett alone.

"Don't look so puzzled Kate." He said standing up. "The crime scene took me a little by surprise that's all." He kissed her cheek and walked out of the room. He never kisses her in the homicide floor.

* * *

**A/N: More to come...**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So here's the next chapter...I'll try and update one chapter every day, but nothing sure guys...as usual please REVIEW and ENJOY!**

* * *

"Lanie's just finished with our vic, come on Castle" Beckett called. Castle's phone vibrated in his pocket.

_"Don't jump into conclusions just yet Rick, how about we meet for lunch?"_

The text from Caroline read. He looked at his watch and was a little surprised that it was already morning. Did they really been all night at the precinct? He answered immediately.

_"Okay."_ He typed. He received her response almost instantly.

_"Just try to focus on Kate, I know that helps you."_

He smiled, the first time in hours. They crossed the doors of the morgue to see Lanie waiting for them and Mary Sedgwick on the silver, steel table. She looked different once she was cleaned up. Her skin white as snow from the blood loss, the mark of the ice pick on her neck was the main highlight on her body, since her hair was hiding the marks of her opened skull at the building. Castle felt hypnotized by this woman, until the voice of Kate Beckett snapped him out of his trance.

"...Thank you Lanie." he heard Beckett said. He looked at her. Focus on Kate, Castle.

"You're welcome." Lanie said. Then she turned to Castle. "Castle are you ok?"

"What?" Castle was distracted for a moment. "Oh yeah...fine...hum...Kate do you mind if I take sometime? I mean I'll be back after lunch." He promised. Beckett just looked at him a little taken aback, but hid it quickly.

"Sure, I'll see you then." She said with a small smile, then he leaned to give her a quick kiss on the lips. Exchanging no other words he left the morgue. Beckett turned to Lanie stunned.

"What was that?" Lanie asked just as stunned.

"He's been acting so strangely since yesterday when I found him." Beckett answered thoughtful.

"What do you mean?" Lanie pushed.

"When I arrived yesterday morning I found him in the office, but the doors were closed and the thing is Lanie, he never closes the doors..." Lanie was now looking at Beckett with a puzzled expression. "I know...and then I saw him asleep, with an empty bottle of scotch...I mean...never in the time we've been together, he had passed out from drinking so much...not even when Alexis was kidnapped..." Lanie kept quiet so Beckett continued. "I tried to ask him what was wrong and he said 'story problems' but the thing is...he's deflecting and now...He kissed me, but it didn't feel like a happy kiss for that matter..."

"Then what did it feel like?" Lanie interrupted.

"Like there's something wrong." Beckett looked down. Lanie was silent for a moment trying to think and Beckett asked. "I don't know what to do..."

"I guess the best thing right now is to be there for him when he needs you and even if he doesn't need you, be there for him Kate, after all he'd done the same."

"And I want to Lanie trust me, but he doesn't let me in...how am I supposed to help him if I don't even know what the problem is?" Even if Beckett didn't show it, her heart was hurting for him, but she didn't like to show those emotions, at least not in front of her colleagues.

"Give him today and if doesn't tell you anything then start pushing, but gentle...you don't wanna get into a fight...but essentially just be there for him when he needs you, because he clearly does." Lanie said.

"Thank you Lanie..." Beckett said giving her friend a hug. "I gotta go...keep me posted on the vic." She said exiting the morgue.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Castle and Caroline Bishop always met in the same place, it wasn't especial whatsoever it was just easier to have only one place to meet. Castle had known Caroline for more than twenty years. She had seen him during very dark times and she was pretty his only true best friend. She was like Lanie for Beckett. Castle was sitting on the table near the window when she walked in.

"Thank you for this Caroline." Castle said as she sat down.

"No problem." She smiled. "Spill...I have one hour."

"Hey...I want to know about you too." Castle showed his best puppy dog's eyes. She didn't budge. "I guess later...Ok...humm...I'm scared." He lowered his eyes.

"Of what?"

"Myself...This dream was as bad as it gets and now this case..."

"Is the case similar to your nightmare?" Caroline wanted to know.

"No, but my emotions are."

"You felt good for her death?"

"No...no..." He answered too quickly. "I mean I felt like I understood the killer...like the victim deserved what she got."

"Did you write the nightmare down?" Caroline knew about the leather notepad.

"Yeah..." He nodded. "I write every time I have a bad dream...Caroline what if he was right? I mean I think I'm losing my mind...I can't give Kate another problem, not when we're about to get married...not when it took her everything she's got to be with me..."

"Hey Rick..." He looked at her in the eyes. "I do recall saying something about jumping into conclusions right?" Castle nodded. "So, what we're gonna do is that you're gonna make an appointment with a psychiatrist and you're gonna tell Kate about your dream and your history..."

"No!" Castle interrupted. "Didn't you just listened to me? I can't tell her anything, she'll freak out! And not only that...I just...what if she gets scared of me?" One of the things that Caroline found really fascinating about Castle was how insecured he actually was in serious relationships.

"Okay Rick, I'll be blunt with you here...The reason why your relationship with Kate almost came to an end, was because you _both_ have held secrets from each other, I mean I know you're insecure and everything but you didn't tell her you wanted forever with her...you had that ring for months and you only dared to ask when she almost took the job in DC Rick...I know you're working on it and that's great, but then again she's your fiance, she has the right to know about what happens to you so yeah you have to tell her about this." Caroline was always determined when it came to Castle's issues just like his mother, they were the only ones that knocked some sense in him.

"I just don't want her to worry about me...not until I figure this out." Castle said weakly and deep down he knew she was right.

"So what's your plan?"

"I'm gonna call her therapist and when he gives me his diagnosis or whatever, then I'll tell her." Castle said resolutely.

"I'll make you a deal." She was just as determined. "You make the appointment and I'll talk to Kate about it." Castle kept quiet. "Besides I want to meet her." Before Castle replied she added. "Before the wedding." He actually couldn't complain, since he hated these kinda talks and he knew Kate deserved to know about this.

"Fine." They shook hands. "Now, what's new on your life?" He changed the subject.

"Oh you know the usual, nobody wants to do anything about Syria, which is driving me nuts, so right now I'm just arguing with the pentagon and the europeans about some kind of intervention." Caroline was probably the best in making political decisions and Castle was very proud of her because god knows she worked too hard to get where she is, but he wished she could spend more time in New York.

"So, how long are you staying here?" He asked.

"Well, for now I'm stationed at the UN headquarters to see if I can knock some sense on them." She chuckled.

"You'll be here for the wedding?"

"I'm actually saving the world from the bad guys..." Castle frowned." Okay maybe not, but the point is that..." she ran out of her argument. "Yes I'll be here for the wedding." She finished defeated. Castle smiled, but before he could respond, his phone vibrated in his pocket. His face dropped. "Rick what is it?" Caroline asked concerned.

"We have another body."

* * *

**A/N: More to come...**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys I know it's been a while since I've updated but I was traveling...now that I'm back my uploading won't take as long if my muse decides to stay with me...PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY!**

* * *

When Castle arrived at the crime scene there was a lot of people behind the yellow tape. He was almost about to cross it, when a hand took his. It was Beckett and she was looking rather concern. "Castle are you sure you're up for this?" She asked looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine why?" Castle said but Beckett looking at him skeptically. "It's just a crime scene Beckett, I've done it hundreds of times." Without another word he crossed the tape and walked up to the alley.

He immediately regretted entering alone. He felt nauseous. He couldn't breathe at the sight. The victim was hanged upside down with chains restraining her ankles and wrists, her throat was sliced, leaving a large pool of blood beneath. That wasn't the worst part though. Her skull was open, but didn't have anything inside. It was like Castle was completely alone in that alley, the rational part of him knew deep down that the team was there, but there just weren't there. He came closer to the victim, looking at the blood covering her throat and her dead brown eyes staring into the oblivion.

He was about to touch her, when something caught his attention. There was a small table behind the body with the other part of her skull on top. Her brain was scrambled and the sight of it only made him feel worse than when he came into the crime scene. He took the half skull in his hands and stared at it's contents. He immediately knew it was the same killer. He left this whole brain all messed up to send them a message.

Beckett just kept looking intensely at Castle while he walked like a ghost around the crime scene. This was a whole new face Castle was showing the last two days...much darker, sinister. Just like her, the other members of the team were looking closely as Castle took the half skull in his hands and mumbled something incomprehensible. Beckett couldn't exactly describe what it was like to see her fiancé like that, but every time she tried to understand he deflected by saying he was having story problems. In fact, the whole team was worried about Castle's behavior.

It was as his reality came crashing against him as he looked up to the worried expressions of his friends. He still had the skull with the smashed brain in his hands. Suddenly his attention was on the crowd at the other side of the yellow tape. There was a man, he looked dead and his eyes were white, expressionless. He had a deep bloody cut on his forehead, his shirt was all bloody and he had a piece of glass stuck in his throat. It couldn't be...that man didn't exist...it was a dream...how in the hell was he in the crowd? What the fuck was going on?

Forgetting about everything else, he practically run towards the man, between the people, but when he got to where the man was supposed to be, there was no one. He ran his hands through his hair as a pounding headache threatened to take over him. The people surrounding him was looking at him.

Immediately as Castle ran off to the crowd, Beckett followed him. He stopped in a specific point and she slowly approached to him as he ran his hands through his hair and leaned down and emptied his stomach contents in the middle of the crowd. Quickly Beckett reached out to him and ran her hands up and down his back, while her head rested near his ear as she whispered nonsense to his ears. As soon as he was done he straightened and looked at Beckett.

"I have to go." and with that he ran.

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys sorry I took soo long to update but this chapter took me some time to write...now please remember this is AU and has some Hannibal references...only to make the story a little darker...as usual PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY!**

* * *

Castle didn't run too far. In fact, he was only two blocks away from the crime scene in the back alley of some apartment building. He just needed a minute to figure out what to do. His phone vibrated inside his pocket. He ignored the call. Castle knew that is was probably good to talk to Caroline, but the only thing she was gonna tell him was to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. He looked through his contact list and found Dr. Burke's practice number. He asked Espo to give it to him when they were working on the sniper case, just to understand what Beckett was going through at the time. He'd never used it though, but he didn't delete the contact.

"Dr. Burke's office how may I help you?" The receptionist asked at the end of the line.

"Yes, my name is Richard Castle and I would like to make an appointment with Dr. Burke as soon as possible please." Castle said trying to catch his breath.

"Let me check the agenda." Castle waited as he heard the click of some computer keyboard. "Well is your lucky day Mr. Castle, we happen to have an open spot today at four in the afternoon would that be OK with you?"

"Yes! That's fine thank you." He hanged up and looked at his phone for a moment debating what to do next. He couldn't go back at the crime scene, everyone would eat him alive there. Instead he decided to go directly to the precinct only stopping to get some coffee for Beckett.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

They took longer to finish processing the crime scene as an excuse to wait for Castle to come back. He didn't. The team had no other choice but to leave and hope that Castle would call or go to the precinct. Inside her car, Beckett couldn't stop think about him. She honestly didn't know what to do or how to help and the worst part was that Castle was completely shutting her out.

But aside from Castle, the only thing that bugged her was the two murders she was now working. They were unlike anything she had seen before and it was not because of the way the victims actually died, but the process of staging the crime scene and opening both victim's skull and messing with their brains. She felt a different energy, not that she believe in that stuff, but it was undeniable the fact that whoever killed these people was going beyond the rational comprehension of death. God she sounded like Castle and the realization only made her feel worse.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Before Castle reached the fourth floor of the precinct he stopped at the restroom to check himself in the mirror. Crap. He looked like hell. Castle opened the tap and splashed some water on his face. He felt as the cold water ran through his hair and how his headache responded to the chilly drops. It felt good, but it wasn't enough. He still looked like shit, but at least the pain was decreasing. He took the little tray with the two coffees and walked resolutely to the homicide floor.

As the elevator doors opened he was grateful that no one peaked to see who it was. Ryan, Esposito and Beckett were in front of two separate murder boards filling in the timeline for the second victim and placing photo of the newest victim at the top corner of the second board. Before Castle walked towards them, he took a moment to look at his future wife. He could see the worry lines across her face and he wondered if those were because of him or the case.

"So what did I miss?" Castle said as normal as he could. The three of them turned to look at him.

"Castle..." the words died from Beckett's mouth, but before she could say anything else Castle interrupted.

"I brought you coffee." He smiled and gave the cup to her. There was a small pregnant pause. "So who's out victim?" He asked breaking the silence.

"Her name is Jessica Norton, she works at a small coffee shop in Park Avenue." Esposito answered.

"He's targeting random women." Castle said in a low voice.

"You think is the same killer?" Ryan asked somehow surprised.

"Isn't it obvious?" Castle answered. Both Ryan and Esposito looked at him with puzzled expressions, however Beckett's eyes revealed that the thought of a serial killer crossed her mind. Or she's doing a flawless poker face.

"The crimes scenes are different, so are the victims Castle." Beckett said quietly. "There's no apparent connection between the two women."

"That's the whole point." Castle whispered. "You're not gonna see an apparent connection because there isn't one." He made a small pause to take a sip from his coffee. "The connection is the actual murder. He likes the human body. He likes to experiment how far can a person go. How much can someone resist. He's testing the weaknesses." The more Castle talked, the more darker his face was getting. "The neck is a weakness." He took a step closer to the photo of the first crime scene. "Such a small object can end with the life of a person. But he knows there are other things that makes us human. This is the beginning of his masterpiece." Then he turned to the three cops behind him. "In the first crime scene, the victim is holding in her hands the right side of her brain. What does that side control?"

"Emotions, Imagination, creativity..." Beckett answered.

"That's what makes us humans." Castle concluded. "He left her with the other side. The objective side inside her skull. He thinks emotions makes us weak, but as much weak as they seem, they also hold enormous power." He looked at the picture again. "The power is in her hands, but she can't use it." He kept staring as if he was hypnotized.

"Still it doesn't connect the other crime scene." Esposito said. Castle couldn't believe his ears.

"The second stage is just showing us that as powerful as the brain can be is so fragile and easy to mess with it that's why he scrambled it." Castle answered in a low dark tone. "He's curious, but he also knows what he's doing and more importantly..." He faced the three expectant detectives. "He's enjoying it. He's in control and he knows it. Probably we won't find him until his masterpiece is finished." It was almost scary the way Castle was talking about the killer. As if he admired the guy. This was not Richard Castle talking because no matter what, Castle would never admire a murderer. It took only a moment for him to realize that his headache hadn't ceased and that he was sweating. A phone rang. It was Ryan's.

"Ryan..." He listened to the other end of the line and his face lighted up. They finally had something. "Thank you." He looked at the team. "So I checked if Jessica had a boyfriend and it turns out that he's also Mary's ex boyfriend. They're bringing him now."

"Looks like we found our connection Castle." Beckett turned to Castle who was absent staring at the floor. "Castle?" She put her hand on his shoulder.

"Right here...humm...does he work in the medical field?" He asked.

"No, he's doing a masters degree in philosophy at NYU." Ryan answered. Castle remained quiet and sat in his chair. Then, Esposito and Ryan went to the break room to make some coffee for themselves while they waited on the boyfriend. Now, it was only Castle and Beckett.

"Castle what's wrong?" Beckett said suddenly, bluntly, looking at him straight in the eye.

"Nothi..." Castle started but Beckett interrupted.

"Don't say that nothing is wrong with when we both know that's bullshit." Beckett glared at him. "Stop deflecting because I know something's wrong. You don't admire killers." Silently Beckett only begged that He would let her in. Castle's cold eyes softened a bit.

"I don't have an answer now Kate." He said honestly. "I'll explain I promise." He went silent again. When Beckett was about to speak again the doors of the elevator opened revealing a young man with black short hair, wearing jeans and a black jacket. He looked creepy calm. The two officers beside him led him to the interrogation room. Ryan quickly approached to Beckett.

"That's the guy. His name is Trent Premer"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Castle and Beckett entered in complete silence to the interrogation. The guy had a cold, penetrating expression. The pain was increasing but it didn't stopped Castle from staring at Premer with the same expression.

"Mr. Premer do you know why you're here?" Beckett asked breaking the tense atmosphere.

"I figure it would be because my girlfriend was murdered." He answered calmly.

"You don't look shaken up or sad for that matter." Beckett replied.

"We were having trouble with our relationship." Premer said.

"What kind of trouble?" Beckett tried to analyze his behavior but the man wasn't giving her anything.

"She just wasn't her anymore."

"So you were gonna break things off with her." Castle concluded.

"Pretty much." Premer shrugged.

"How long were you two together?" Beckett asked.

"About three months."

"So you just got bored with her." Castle said.

"I believe I said she wasn't her anymore." Premer recalled. This man was good.

"How about Mary Sedgwick? You were with her two, in fact about a week after you broke up with her you started dating Jessica, you know what that makes you Trent?" Castle's voice was so deep and steady it was almost scary. "It makes you a suspect. You got so fed up with them, after all they didn't have strong personalities. They were no challenge for you, so you used them in the only way you could." He leaned towards Premer, who didn't budge.

"And what way would that be?" He asked with a hint of a smile on his face.

"As an experiment." Castle whispered against him.

"I only see a theory here." Premer fired back. "Now I'm asking, do you have any evidence?"

"Are you smart enough to have an alibi?" Castle asked instead. Premer stayed silent but didn't break and neither did Castle. "You think yourself as a clever guy right? But the truth is, your lack of feelings tells me that you feel happy they're dead."

"It doesn't prove I kill them."

"Not having an alibi might." Castle said simply. This was possibly the most intense interrogation she had ever witnessed. There was tension, anger, but also lack of emotion in the heavy atmosphere. She was amazed but also scared by this cold, emotionless side of Castle. "You felt powerful when you were with them didn't you Trent?" Premer didn't move. "But it wasn't enough for you. You had to take the next step. Total control."

"I can ask you the same question Mr. Castle." Premer replied with ice in his voice. "Do you feel powerful when you kill in your books?" Now it was Castle's turn to be silent. "Is it enough? I mean you don't strike me as the guy who can get enough of something, especially power." His body may not show it, but Beckett saw in Castle's eyes how he was starting to crumble. She had to stop this. "How close have you been to take total control? Or are you so coward you crawl in your stories?" That was enough.

"Where were you yesterday at 1 am Premer?" Beckett asked standing up.

"In my apartment, writing an essay for the university." Premer said. "Now, I would like to call my lawyer." With that Premer sat back down and crossed his arms over his chest. Castle stood still until Beckett took him by one arm and dragged him out of the interrogation room. Once out both Ryan and Esposito joined them. Castle looked at Premer through the window.

"Is not him." He said. "He's not good enough."

"Not good enough for murder?" Esposito said. "Castle the man didn't budge when you questioned him. He's as cold as it gets."

"He didn't understand the message of Jessica's murder." Castle replied absently. "He's not smart enough." He checked at his watch. "I have to go. I'll see you tonight Kate." This time he didn't kiss her. When he was in the elevator he broke down.

* * *

**A/N: More to Come...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So...maybe you can pick out the Hannibal references, but I think is a good material to work with...bare in mind this fic is AU...as usual PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY!**

* * *

He should've gone to his appointment with Burke, he kept repeating himself as he walked into his empty loft. He walked directly to his office. It was just like he'd left it the night before. He went directly for the cabinet and took out a bottle of scotch and poured generously in the glass sitting by his desk. He noticed the leather notebook. Quickly, he puts it back in the lower drawer below forgotten stories. It's funny, he calls that drawer the "Story Graveyard". Maybe that's what he needed...to burry his darkest dreams. He drank the liquid as if it was water, but he didn't poured more whiskey in the glass. Then, he reached into his inside pocket to take out a small USB drive containing the photos of each crime scene. Castle knows he shouldn't be doing that, but this murders...he wanted to understand.

It was hard to concentrate. He couldn't stop thinking about what Premer said to him. How close was he really from letting fiction go? No. That was ridiculous. As much as he like writing about murder and mystery, his curiosity wouldn't go that far. He wouldn't cross that line...no matter how fussy his mind got, deep down he knew how dangerous those waters were. But, that made him a coward didn't it? This man they were after however, was brave enough to navigate deep into the human painful, weak and fearful soul. Yes, this man was brave enough to dare him to be part his experiment. They were all part of his experiment. Kate, Esposito, Ryan, and especially him.

It was dark. How long had he been staring at the gruesome photos? He had lost track of time, but he didn't really remember losing himself in the pictures. Not that it mattered anyway. He stood up and went to the kitchen for some coffee. He still had a deep, pounding headache and it was getting worse, so he grabbed some Tylenol hoping but not expecting his headache to stop. He glanced at the clock on the freezer. It wasn't as late as he thought it was, so he grabbed his coat and went out to get some dinner for him and for Beckett.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Beckett?" She was staring at Castle's empty chair. "Beckett?" it was a little louder and snapped her out of own thoughts.

"What is it?" She said looking up and finding Esposito looking at her with mid concern.

"Have you called him? Texted him?" He asked.

"Erh...yeah...he said he was busy writing." She answer absently. Esposito nodded but didn't say anything. "So, what did you find?"

"Well...not very good news...Premer's alibi checks out." He said with a sigh. "The doorman remembers him entering the building at 10pm and he didn't leave until 1 in the afternoon the next day. Mary was killed at 2 in the morning and Jessica was killed at about 6 am, according to Lanie's report."

"So we're basically back to square one." Beckett muttered in frustration. Esposito remained quiet. "Have officers canvass the area around the crime scenes and have transport send the security tapes for both places." Beckett ordered.

"Officers already sweep the area, there were no witnesses Beckett." Esposito recalled. "And Tech already check the security tapes, twice."

"Then do it again." She snapped. Then, she turned to Ryan. "Ryan dig into our victims' life see if we can find a connection or a relation between them." Ryan didn't move. "Now guys!" she exclaimed and walked angrily to the break room. Ryan followed her.

"Beckett you need to calm down. We'll find the guy." He said in a low voice, although that wasn't the thing he was gonna say. "I'm worried about Castle too, but you have to..."

"I can't calm down and I can't take this case lightly when is messing with my fiancé Kev." She replied. "Have you paid close attention to him? He's breaking! And I don't know..." She trailed off. Ryan was listening patiently. "He keeps telling me he's fine, but I can tell his crumbling inside...he's different." They sat on the couch. She was grateful Ryan was hearing her out. "He's cold, emotionless." She remembers the intense atmosphere of the interrogation. "I mean you were there...I noticed too." Ryan only nodded. "It was like he admired the person who did this...and then in the interrogation room...he was a completely different person...A Rick Castle I had no idea it existed...it was almost scary to look at him in the eyes." Ryan put his hand on her shoulder. He had felt the same thing. "So no, I can't be calm and objective when the man I'm getting married with is slowly crossing a line I'm not gonna be able to bring him back from." She took a sip of her coffee.

"You're right." Ryan estates. "But we both know he's not gonna back down from this." It was true and only terrified Beckett more.

"I have to try." Beckett said standing up. "Ryan, please keep digging into their lives." With that she made her way to grab her coat and purse and headed to the elevator.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Beckett arrived to a cold and dark loft. Castle was gone. She walked up to his office and found some things different. The leather notebook wasn't there anymore. She looked for it but couldn't find it. The empty bottle of scotch was in the trashcan, but the glass was on the desk and had a melted ice in it, so she opened the cabinet where he kept the whiskey and sighed in relief as she saw that the bottle had almost all it's contents. She walked towards the bedroom and kicked off her shoes and coat when she heard the door opening.

"Kate I brought dinner!" Called called from the threshold.

"I'll be right there!" She replied. Barefooted she walked towards the kitchen and saw several boxes of their favorite chinese place. "Nice." She smiled and so did he. Maybe some space was good for him after all.

"Come on, I'm starving! Let's eat and then we can talk." Castle said lightly. She just complied.

They were almost finishing their wine when there was a knock at the door. Before Beckett could react, Castle was already on his way up to the front door. He almost dropped the wine glass he was holding when he saw Caroline and Dr. Burke at the opposite end of the door.

* * *

**A/N: More to come...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys! well this chapter is a bit long, but will set some story point straight...so as usual PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW AND MOSTLY ENJOY!**

* * *

Everything went still. Castle wouldn't move, so Beckett couldn't see who was at the door.

"Who is it Castle?" She asked, but when he didn't move she stood from the couch and walked to the door. Then she saw the all too familiar face of Dr. Burke and beside him a woman who, apparently knew Castle. "Dr. Burke? What are you doing here?" She asked in disbelief. Castle was completely silent.

"Rick, I think an introduction would be in order." the woman interrupted glancing at Castle.

"Right..." Castle moved aside so that the two unexpected guest would come in. "Humm...Kate this is Caroline Bishop." He pointed at Caroline. "Caroline, she's Detective Kate Beckett."

"Nice to meet you Kate." Caroline shook her hand. It was very awkward to say the least. Beckett remained silent...not that she would know what to say anyway. This Caroline person was a completely random woman and yet Castle seemed to know her from a long time ago.

"Caroline I think you have some explaining to do." Castle grabbed her by one arm leaving Burke and Beckett alone. "What the hell are you doing here?" Castle was upset, but Caroline wasn't afraid of it. Both of them knew Burke and Kate were listening.

"You didn't show to your appointment." Caroline glared at him. "So I brought the guy."

"You don't get to do that." He whispered. "I'm very capable of making my own decisions."

"I'm not sorry." She replied and without expecting an answer from Castle she turned to Beckett. "Kate, let's go to the kitchen and talk. You must have question and Rick needs his session with Dr. Burke." Then she ordered. "Rick, why don't you show the Dr. to your office?" Boy, with that tone Castle was left with no choice but to politely said to Burke.

"This way Dr." Castle pointed his arm to the door ahead, then whispered angrily to Caroline. "I'm so gonna kick you reckless ass later." He reluctantly followed Burke to his office and closed the door.

"Come on Kate, I could use a cup of coffee." Caroline walked pass Beckett towards the kitchen. For being a complete stranger to Beckett, who by the way, was practically living at the loft and had no clue she existed, this Caroline was well acquainted with the loft. She served two cups and sat down facing Beckett.

"Who are you?" Beckett asked not particularly thrilled by the woman's random appearance.

"I'm Rick's best friend." She said simply. "We met in college."

"Then how come I never saw you for about six years since I met Castle? And he never mentioned you."

"I work for the United Nations." She answered. "I usually travel a lot since my job is to maintain a diplomatic dialogue between the UN and the member states."

"But Castle had never said anything about you." Beckett repeated.

"He usually doesn't." Caroline shrugged, but looking at Beckett's glare she explained some more. "Look, the only people who know about me are Martha, Rick and now you. Not even Alexis knows about me." That last fact surprised Beckett and made her a little more comfortable around Caroline. "Besides I wanted to meet the future Mrs. Castle." She smiled.

"You know about our engagement?" Beckett was almost surprised.

"Oh yeah!" Caroline let out a small laugh. "It took him too long to propose to you in my opinion, but oh well the important thing here, is that you said yes."

"For how long was he thinking about proposing?" Beckett asked before she could stop herself.

"I think it was a little after Alexis was kidnapped that Rick started thinking about taking the next step." She answered and Beckett felt her heart swelling so much for this man. She loved him a little bit more. "However, I think he bought the ring after that amazing surprise birthday party of yours" Caroline winked and Beckett blushed.

"He told you that."

"He talked about that for weeks Kate." Caroline laughed and then they fell into silence. "Don't ever doubt how much he loves you Kate." She said seriously, seeing Beckett's face.

"I don't it's just that..." She took a deep breath. "I feel like he's hiding."

"He does that." Caroline nodded in understanding. "I know how hard it can be to make him open up to someone. Hell, I've spent the last 20 years trying." She took a sip of her coffee. "Kate, ever since I met him he always would build this fake persona to burry his real feelings away. It's the easy way, but sometimes more painful."

"I can identify with that." Beckett said quietly. "But I'm his fiancé...is not just him anymore."

"I know and that's why I'm here." Caroline looked at Beckett in the eyes. "I came because you need to know what's happening, because I'm sure you can see Rick's is breaking apart and I couldn't imagine not knowing why." Beckett only nodded. "I may be able to knock some sense into him, but you're the only one that can actually help him."

"What if I can't?"

"Oh come on...you're his dry land just as he's yours." Caroline encouraged. "Besides, you'll know much more after I tell you what I have to say."

"Alright." Beckett wasn't very convinced, but she was gonna do anything to help the man that has given her all of himself to her. It was time to do the same.

"So, as I told you Rick and I met in college." She took a deep breath. "He was pretty weird at the time, well, he still is, but back then he was basically a shell of his own feelings." Beckett could picture teen Castle as Caroline described him. "I was in a coffee shop trying to study for my Economics class when I first saw him. It caught my attention because he was so into his notebook that I just got curious to know what he was writing. I noticed he had an Edgar Allan Poe book opened but was wasn't even looking at it." She sighed, for their first bizarre interaction would be the beginning of a friendship that would last more than two decades. "When I first asked him what he was writing he completely ignored me." She chuckled. "So I sat in front of him until he said 'Do you like to be ignored?'"

"Did he really said that?" Beckett asked with a disbelief smile and picturing the 19 year old version of Castle.

"Well, to that I answered that only when there's a good reason." Caroline said. "Anyway, to make the story short we basically started talking and talking." She grinned mostly to herself. "The owner of the coffee shop almost had to kick us out." Her face went serious again. "You know, now that I really think about it I was pretty lucky I met him under the circumstances I did."

"Why?"

"I met him when his guard was down." She explained. "He can be fully honest with you when he's writing and he wouldn't even notice...I mean you know the Rick Castle that is with you and working at the precinct is not the same Rick Castle that goes out to bookstores for signing sessions." She was right and Beckett spent almost six years experiencing. "I actually never read what he was writing when I first met him, but as we became closer friends he would let me read his stuff." There was some melancholic even sad scent in her voice. "His stories were and still are out of this world. But back then it was just heart wrenching to read his creative writing assignments. He'd tell me that the professor told them to write in Poe style, but as I got to know him I knew it was his pure, brilliant, bleak style." She paused and Beckett felt a little jealous of Caroline since she'd read works she'd never heard off. "You know his childhood was never all colorful and joyful...I won't tell you about it because that's his story to tell." Beckett knew what Caroline was doing. She was giving her the questions so that she could scratch and claw into Castle's early days. "As the semester passed by we grew closer, almost like siblings. We moved together, He would correct my essays for class and I would be his one loyal reader until he got the guts to publish." Caroline took a long sip of her coffee. "His writing change too. He still loved mystery and death, but his approach was different...almost as if he was mocking the act of killing...he started writing happy endings for his characters and Rick himself grew more optimistic about everything." That was actually one of things Beckett loves so much about Castle's stories, is that no matter how bleak it'd get he always managed to get either justice or closure and a sense of peace would come as a result. "As I got into my junior year and Rick's senior year, I went to do an internship at the European Union. Rick had to stay and finish his degree and that's when he met Kyra." Before Beckett could make any comment she continued. "Contrary of what he may or may not told you his first Bestseller wasn't published until after Kyra left him but he wrote while they were together." That took Beckett by surprise since she'd always thought that Kyra left Castle shortly after his book was a Bestseller. "Kyra left him for other reasons, reasons he never told anyone, not even me. I found out basically because when I came back from Europe, he wasn't at our apartment and he didn't even show for class for almost a week." Caroline momentarily took a peek at Castle's office. Not seeing signs of him coming out she continued. "It wasn't until I got a call from someone who claimed being his psychiatrist if I had seen him lately." Beckett's eyes snapped back at Caroline. "He told me that he needed to talk to him as soon as possible." Those memories were dark and it was always hard to remember them. "I immediately got into panic mode and went to our apartment screaming out for Rick but no answer came. Then I saw a piece of paper in the middle of the aisle." She looked down.

"What was it?" Beckett pushed.

"It was a letter." Seeing that Beckett couldn't see the importance she explained. "From a psychiatrist called Robert Idra, telling the board of professors to remove Rick from the creative program because he was being diagnosed with schizophrenia." Caroline paused as if she was gathering herself to continue.

"Schizophrenia?" Beckett asked weakly. The color drained from her face. Castle with schizophrenia? It had to be a joke.

"Humm...this...Dr. Idra said that Rick was experiencing signs of hallucinations and other symptoms of the disease and had recommended to remove him from the program because it was only gonna feed his fantasies." Caroline replied just as weakly. "I went up to his room and found him staring at the widow. He had...prescription bottles on his nightstand. He didn't even noticed me when I went into his room. He was doped with antipsychotics." Beckett was imagining the pain and loneliness Castle must've felt. "I've never seen him like that until you got shot three years ago." That last statement hit Beckett deep in her guts as guilt flooded her every vein. "It's okay Kate, don't feel guilty." Was she really that evident? "Anyway, I didn't ask him anything that night, but I kept an eye on him until the next day and I confronted him." There was another pause. "He told me he had had very vivid nightmares and was affecting his relationship with Kyra and his performance at school, so he decided to go and see a therapist, but never thought he was actually mentally ill...he told me that Kyra left him shortly after he was diagnosed." Caroline had a hint of anger in her voice but Beckett couldn't help but feeling repulse against Kyra. "He looked so defeated Kate." it was a very sad statement, because Castle was the most optimistic man she'd ever met. "I didn't believe for a second that he was crazy, so I arranged appointments with another shrink and literally pushed Rick into going with this other guy and not even a week after treating Rick, he told me that he was totally misdiagnosed...that the only thing Rick had to be careful about was the nightmares he was having." Beckett felt relieved, since for a moment she pictured the worst case scenario. "His doctor recommended Rick to have a personal log of his nightmares, since he was a writer it would be the best way to let out those kind of thoughts." Beckett didn't remember seeing that log. "He still uses it in fact. When he called me last night at three in the freaking morning to tell me about the his nightmare, he'd already written it." That's when it clicked. It was the leather notebook Beckett saw when she found Castle sleeping in his office. "That log keeps him attached to reality Kate. Now, is not my place to tell you anything else but you need to understand why he's acting so strangely. You can help him."

Caroline smiled confidently at her. In that moment Dr. Burke came out of the office. The two women looked at the office but Castle wasn't there anymore. It was impossible to read Burke's expression as he approached to both ladies.

"He needs some time alone." Burke said. "He'll be seeing me often until this case is done. Afterwards it would be advisable to have an hour session every week." Both Caroline and Kate nodded.

"Let me give you a ride Dr. Burke." Caroline said. Then she turned to Beckett. "Kate, if you need anything please give me a call."

"Can I ask you one last thing?" Beckett asked. It was something she needed to know. "Why did his ex wives never met you?"

"I never approved those marriages and I was never interested to meet them." Caroline explained. "You however, are the one person who fell in love with the real Rick Rogers and you've made him so happy Kate, I don't think you actually imagine how good you are for him." She winked and added. "You're the one Kate." and with that she and Burke left the loft, leaving Castle and Beckett alone under a consuming silence.

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey guys! so this is the next chapter...now please remember this is completely AU and that any medical dialogue is just made up. I do research, but this is just for you guy to have fun, so...anyway...as usual PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW that I absolutely love to see what you think of this story...**

* * *

Beckett was certainly taken aback by Caroline's statement. She knew that Castle was happy, otherwise he wouldn't have proposed to her, but on the other hand Beckett was sure she was also a cause of pain and misery in his life. The loft was silent. She had conflicted emotions at the moment, since her heart was telling her to run into their bedroom and comfort Castle in anyway she could, but her more rational side was telling her to give him some time to process whatever he talked with Burke because she knew how hard those sessions could be. So, she cleaned up the kitchen table, washed the dishes and put the leftovers in the fridge. Then she walked into Castle's office.

He wasn't there and the room looked completely normal. Beckett walked slowly up to the master bedroom. The lights were off, but the thin moonlight was enough for her to see the prominent figure of Castle's back sitting on his side of the bed. He had his head down and as she got closer she could see he was trembling slightly. Beckett sat near him, but far enough to give him space but at the same time encouraging.

"I guess you know everything now." His voice was hoarse and weak. She waited silently. "I know I should've told you before but...I just couldn't..." he sighed. "Still can't." A part of her heart broke because she knew the feeling all too well.

"Rick..." She loved to say that name even if the circumstances weren't the best. "As much as I want you to tell me about your past, or whatever happened last night, I also know how hard it can be to just open up...so, you don't have to tell me right now, but I think that holding secrets from each other is not gonna help you or us right now." She said firmly. God, he loved this woman so much. It wasn't until Castle lifted his head to stare at the sealing that she noticed a small key in his hands.

"You're right." Beckett could see how Castle was grasping at the correct words. "I can't tell you what you want to hear right now." He toyed with the key between his fingers. "I couldn't even tell Burke about whatever it is that's going on with me...but I'll find a way I promise you that." Then, he turned to looked at her. His blue eyes were clouded and stormy almost lost. "The key opens the bottom drawer in my desk." He gave the key to her. "It's the 'Story Graveyard'." Only Castle would have a story graveyard. She almost smiled. "I'm sure you noticed the leather notebook last night. It's in there. I kinda promise Caroline and myself that I'd let you read it. But I have to ask you something in return."

"Anything." Beckett reassured him by holding his hand and looking at the insecurity of his expression.

"Please don't leave me." Her heart broke even more for him. "I promise you that whatever you read or whatever tell you about me, I'm still the Castle you know." His voice broke and a tiny rebel tear escaped his eye. He wiped it quickly. "I promise you I'll do better...I promise you I'll the husband you always wanted...I promise..."

"Castle." Beckett cut him and gently ran her hand through his face and hair. "I'm not leaving remember?" she let out a small smile. "I'm done running from you. You are the one thing I never really knew I wanted." She admitted. "But now that I have you, I'm not letting you go Rick, you hear me?" He looked at her with watery eyes. "I'll be here in anyway you need."

"Thank you Kate." Castle said, letting out a breath he didn't even know he was holding and kissing her deeply.

"Always." She promised. Then she stood up and let Castle with her. "Come on, let get into bed and get some rest. We'll talk in the morning."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_The first thing he felt when his senses came back was some kind of coldness at his back. It was dark and there was an odd metallic smell as if it was steel. Castle tried to lift his arms but couldn't. He soon realized he was completely paralyzed, and yet he could feel everything. Then, a door opened, but it was small and right behind his head and suddenly the platform in which he was lying motionless was being pull by someone. As soon as his eyes adapted to the blinding light the horror, panic and fear crushed against him like being hit by a truck. Looking right down at him was Lanie. He was lying in Lanie's table. He was dead._

_How? He didn't remember getting there, let alone dying. However, Lanie wasn't alone. Right next to her was Kate, but the thing that terrified him most was the man at his left. His grey, dead skin was almost matching his dark shirt, all covered in blood. He had a deep gash in his head and a large, sharp piece of glass stuck in his throat. He was almost smiling at Castle. At his misfortune._

_"What are you doing here?" Castle asked in vain, for no sound came out of his mouth. He couldn't move and he was slowly starting to feel claustrophobic. Lanie was looking at him almost excited to open him up and Castle felt nauseous. He tried to focus on Kate, but her expression wasn't showing sadness, instead it was...relief? Shit. What the hell was going on?_

_"Who would've thought..." Lanie said turning to grabbed something from the small tray behind her._

_"Lanie what happened to me?" No sound came. His mouth didn't even move. He was growing desperate every minute that went by._

_"Rick Castle, crime novelist dead." Beckett said mockingly. "How ironic don't you think?" She turned to the dead man beside her. The man just smiled even wider. Even more evil._

_"I'm not dead!" He was really scared now._

_"Well I don't think anyone will miss him." Lanie replied almost laughing._

_"Yeah, he deserved what he got." What? Beckett never talked like that. Never, in the years she'd known her, she'd actually wished for someone to die. "Such a coward can't have a place among us."_

_"I didn't do anything!" Castle screamed, but no one seemed to listen. Then as if could get any worse Lanie took the scalpel and start cutting diagonally from his shoulder. "AAAAAHHH!" He felt a deep pain from the cut. "Stop!" Nothing. "Please Lanie!" The dead man was laughing even harder. "STOP!" He begged. "He looked at Kate. "Kate! Make it stop please!" Her expression was cold. It was pointless. He was trapped. The pain was too much..._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He woke up startled. Covered in sweat, Castle sat on the edge of the bed with a sudden urge to throw up. Immediately, he went to the bathroom and leaned on the toilet and threw up everything his stomach had in it. His head was throbbing badly. When he looked himself at the mirror. He was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was wet from the sweat, just like his T-Shirt. But the thing that caught Castle's attention was a small, red stain near his shoulder. As he pulled the neck of his shirt down, he revealed a medium, superficial gash.

"Shit..." This was not good at all. He peaked at the bedroom and found it empty. Until then Castle hadn't realized that it was actually bright out there. Beckett probably went to work while he was sleeping. He went back at the mirror to clean himself up, showering and putting some tape on the cut.

He got dressed pretty quickly, choosing a dark shirt so that Beckett wouldn't notice the bandage. As he poured himself a cup of coffee, he found a small note from Beckett.

_"There's coffee on the counter. Didn't wanna wake you, you looked exhausted. I'll see you at the precinct. Kate."_

He grabbed his keys and left the loft.

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Here's the next chapter...I'm soo grateful by the response I got to this story...PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW!**

* * *

Beckett was impatient. She'd left Castle that morning, because he just looked drained from yesterday. It was hard to see him tormenting himself with those nightmares he was having and even harder not to be able to do anything about it. She knew she had to convince him stop working on this case, but Beckett really didn't have the heart to have that conversation the previous night or this morning. She was waiting for Castle to arrive though, she needed to see him. As if on cue, the elevator doors opened, revealing Castle with the twin coffees in his hands. He sat down on his chair with a big smile and left the coffee beside her.

"I just thought you may need it" He said as he took a sip of his own. "I missed you this morning."

"I didn't have the heart to wake you up." There was a pause.

"Anything new on the case?" Castle asked looking at the murder board.

"Nothing." Beckett answered in frustration. "There's nothing that could possibly indicate us who our killer is."

"That's why he's a serial killer." Beckett glared at him. "Oh come on, you thought about it too." He was right. The lack of evidence and the odd similarity between the crime scenes could suggest they had a serial killer on their hands.

"We can't prove that Castle." Before he could respond she added. "We can't connect our victims or any trace evidence at the crime scenes."

"I already told you Beckett, you're not gonna find any trace evidence because he left none." He looked at the murder board again. "As for the connection between them..."

"Premer was the only thing tying them together and he alibied out." Beckett's voice gave away how annoyed she was with Premer.

"Premer was too obvious." Castle said in a low voice. "He wanted us to think these murders are random, but he knows his victims very well...we can't find a connection because..." And the it clicked. "They didn't knew each other, but both of them knew him." He stood up while Beckett just watched him. "There's a common denominator between them Beckett." She looked at him as if the answer was clear like water. "Aside from our killer." He completed. "Maybe an event, or a place..." That was it! If only his headache would just stop and let him think clearer. "That's gotta be Beckett." She stared at the murder as if the answer was written there, somewhere. "We find that place or event and we find him."

"That sounds like a long shot Castle." Beckett replied. "I mean, for all we know it could be anything."

"Do you have something better?" She remained silent. "That's what I thought." He sat down again and realized Ryan and Esposito weren't there. "Where are they?" He pointed at the empty desks.

"Talking to their families, see if we can find something." He just nodded as he took out a small bottle of pills. "What's that?" She asked pointing at the bottle.

"Tylenol." He took two without a sip of liquid. She didn't say anything, but her concern was obvious given the circumstances. "Chill out Kate..." His eyes softened. "It's just a stupid headache...must be stress." He smiled. Beckett didn't push, but didn't stop worrying either. Instead she tried to focus on the security footage of the first crime scene.

"It won't be enough." Castle said after a while.

"What won't be enough?" She looked away from the computer screen.

"The connection we find." He answered quietly. "I'll be circumstantial...he made sure of that, otherwise he wouldn't be able to complete his masterpiece." It still puzzled her why he kept talking about the murders as if they were some kind of art. "You're clever..." He whispered, mostly to himself but Beckett was still listening. "But you still leave something of you in each murder...satisfaction...that overwhelming sense of power you feel after you kill...the sense of security and superiority..." His headache stopped and suddenly it was all clear. "Who doesn't love that, you think...who deserves...?" Beckett's phone buzzed interrupting his thoughts. The pain came back immediately.

"Lanie's got something." She stood up and he followed quietly. However, she noticed how Castle's demeanor changed. He looked confused and was slightly sweating.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Castle and Beckett walked into the morgue, they noticed Lanie's expression. It was a mixture between shock and disgust. She was holding a yellow file and had the two victims lying on the steel tables in front of her. Suddenly, Castle felt a chill running down his spine since it was him lying there in his nightmare.

"What is it Lanie?" Beckett asked immediately.

"Something I can only describe as sick and twisted." She was serious and almost scared?

"He swapped their brains." There was a silence of disbelief. "Mary had Jessica's brain and..."

"Jessica had Mary's." Beckett completed absently. "Son of a bitch."

"Is part of the message." Castle said looking at the victims.

"That's not all." Lanie intervened. "Jessica's time of death is wrong."

"How so?" Beckett asked.

"At first I determined that Jessica was killed at around six in the morning, but as I was examining her body I noticed an incision by the liver." Her friends were still clueless. "Usually the way you confirm time of death if by checking the liver temperature. Your killer messed up with the liver, making time of death look as if she was killed at around six am."

"So we don't have a time of death." Beckett concluded.

"I didn't say that." Lanie replied. "After running some tests I can now estimate time of death at around the same time Mary was killed."

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hey guys here's the next chapter! well PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW! I know I publish very late but with a fanfic as creepy as this one is better if I write it at night...anyway Have fun!**

* * *

"You think the same person that killed Mary Sedgwick killed Jessica Norton?" Dr. Burke asked as he saw Castle pacing around his consultation room. They were half in the session, but Castle remained closed as a shell.

"I know they were killed by the same person." Castle stated. "It can't be a coincidence...but there's something I'm missing...I just can't think of what..."

"You mean your team is missing something." Dr. Burke corrected. He thought that this case was putting too much stress in Castle, but he had no apparent reason as to why would this case be any different from another.

"What?" Castle asked distracted.

"You were talking as if you were the only one working on the case." Burke explained. "I mean as far as I know, you're just a civilian consultant with Detective Beckett's team." Castle sat down. He got the point. He was starting to show how this case was really affecting him. "Why is this case so special that you feel the need of solving it on your own?"

"I..." Castle froze. He knew the answer but he just couldn't deal with it at the moment. "I never said I had to solve it on my own" He said instead. "But you're right, we have to solve it before someone else dies."

"Are the crime scenes similar to the one of your nightmare?" Oh man, this was dangerous territory. "Maybe the victims?" He was going to far.

"No!" Castle replied maybe too quickly. He was getting nervous. "No, my dreams have nothing to do with this." he snapped. "Look I need you to give me something to sleep better. I can't keep going to work with only two or three hours of sleep." He deflected.

"I can't prescribe medicine without knowing the real problem Rick." Burke said calmly. Then, Castle made a movement and one of the buttons of his shirt opened, revealing the bandage on his shoulder. "What happened?" Castle looked down and saw a faint reddish stain on the white piece of gauze.

"Uhmm...nothing" He covered it quickly. "It was just an accident this morning." Burke looked at him in disbelief. "Look, I...I have to go...I need to get back to the precinct." He stood up and put on his jacket.

"Rick, I don't think is advisable to keep working on this case." Burke kept seated. Castle wasn't looking at him. "Not until we know what the real problem is."

"I don't have a problem Burke!" Castle snapped loudly. "I'm fine, this wasn't even my idea, it was Caroline's...I can deal with a couple of nightmares."

"You can't deal with this Rick." Burke said seriously. "I read your chart Rick." In that moment Castle turned back at him, livid. "I can't treat you if I don't have a background and your deflecting mechanisms were not gonna let me know that you were misdiagnosed with schizophrenia." Castle was just standing in front of him, not being able to say a word or even make a sound. "I know you can't deal with what's going on because you have too many similar issues and insecurities."

"I'm not weak Dr." Castle said coldly. "I'm perfectly capable to deal with my own problems."

"By deflecting them." Castle grew quiet but he had a daring expression on his face. "You didn't mention your nightmares until I pointed them out last night. Today, you only talked about the case, how you have no leads but again you failed to get into the real problem."

"So in your medical opinion what is my problem Dr.?" Castle asked sarcastically.

"Your feelings." Castle's face crumbled. "You must feel frustrated...angry...because you don't have the answer to what's going on with you...you're insecure of your own mind and what is capable of."

There was a long, tense silence in which Castle kept staring at Burke with anger written all over his face. However, after a while he sat back down, defeated, looking down and taking his head in his hands. Suddenly he felt exhausted, he was so tempted to give into the sharp pain in his head. Burke only observed him, realizing that the unsteadiness Castle was showing probably wasn't just psychological anymore.

"That's what's similar." Castle said slowly and Burke waited patiently for him to talk. "I felt the same way in my nightmare and when I went to the crime scenes."

"What did you feel?"

"I felt powerful." Castle didn't hesitated this time. It was clear to him. "I...these murders are different." he paused to gather his thoughts. "When I walked into both crime scenes I felt like I was the killer." He didn't look at Burke. He was ashamed and confused.

"When you write your book, do you feel powerful when you kill one of your characters?" Coincidentally Premer asked the same thing before.

"Not really...I mean when I kill someone in my book is usually because I needed it to tell the story, or because I didn't like where it's personality was going." He answered without hesitation.

"Why did the killer feel powerful when he killed those women?"

"Because he was in control..." Castle said. "It wasn't just the act of killing...it was the comfort he felt, knowing the police is not gonna catch him on time."

"What happened on your shoulder?" Burke decided it was time to change the topic.

"I don't know." Castle said simply. "I don't remember it happening."

"I think that's enough for today Rick." Burke stood up and so did Castle. "I think we're gonna need to run some tests, but for now I highly encourage you NOT to work on this case Rick, I think is putting too much pressure on you."

"I appreciate that, but I have to keep working." Castle shook the Dr. hand. His face denoted exhaustion. "Doing nothing is only gonna drive me even crazier." There was a hint of laughter in his voice. Burke didn't say anything.

"See you in our next session Rick."

"See you Dr. Burke." Castle closed the door behind him. He went straight back to the precinct.

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm sorry it took me this long to update, but I couldn't get my thoughts in order...as usual PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW!**

* * *

When Castle arrived at the fourth floor of the 12th Precinct, he saw Ryan and Esposito in the breakroom and Beckett at the conference room with a woman. She wasn't wearing any kind of uniform, which suggested she probably didn't work with Mary or Jessica for that matter. She looked in her late forties and judging the way she was dressed, told him that her job was probably wealthy. Maybe a lawyer or a doctor. Deciding not to interrupt, he went to the break room.

"Hey Castle" Ryan greeted, while adding some cream to his coffee. "Where were you this afternoon?"

"Oh I was...in a meeting with my publisher." He shrugged. "So, who's that with Beckett?" Castle asked instead.

"Well, Beckett suggested to look for common between our victims' families." Esposito replied.

"And we learned that Jessica and Mary's parent were treated for mental diseases and were left with their grandparents." Ryan continued.

"That can't be a coincidence." Castle concluded.

"Turns out they were treated by seven doctors at the psychiatric facility." Esposito explained. "Beckett's talking to one of them right now." Well, Castle was right then. The woman was a doctor. He kept studying her, as Beckett talked to her.

"Castle..." He was so immersed in his own thoughts, he almost didn't hear Ryan calling him.

"Yeah...?" He asked distracted.

"Is everything Ok?" Ryan looked concern.

"Yeah bro, you really look awful, what's wrong?" Esposito added. Boy, Castle really wished they would just stop worrying.

"I'm fine guys, just stop worrying." Castle deflected.

"Its just that..." Ryan started. He'd always been closer to Castle than Esposito. "Something change."

"Wha...?" He let out a nervous laugh. "No, everything's the same."

"No...is not." This time Esposito spoke. "What happened to the immature 9 year old?" He asked half joking, half serious. "You're quieter than usual."

"I don't think I can joke about a guy messing with women's brains." He answered seriously. They had a point though, it was as if the last triggered something inside him, very dark and he was starting to show it.

"Yeah, but is not just that..." Ryan pressed. "The way you acted at the crime scenes..."

"Drop it." Castle snapped. Esposito and Ryan immediately hushed. "Just drop it." Ugh, his headache came back. "I'm fine so stop asking!" And without saying another word he left the room, leaving the cops stunned.

"Something is very wrong with him Javi." Ryan said sadly.

"I know bro...he has to stop working on this case."

"Yeah, but he's the only one that actually understands this case." The thought of Castle thinking as the guy that killed these women, was terrifying. "He's the only one that has pointed us in the right direction."

"But at what cost?" Esposito said. "He's falling apart. Slowly...in front of our very own eyes...and we're just watching." Ryan lightly hit his ribs and he turned to see Beckett standing there. "Beckett..."

"She's another dead end." She pointed at the woman leaving. There was a moment of silence. "He's not gonna walk out of this one guys." She really wished she was wrong.

"Have you even tried Beckett?" Esposito inquired a little harsher than intended.

"What's that suppose to mean Espo?" She looked at him upset. "You think I don't worry about him?" Her tone was increasing. "You think is doesn't kill me inside to see him struggling with himself and not being able to help him, because he refuses to talk to me?"

"I'm sorry Kate..." Esposito apologized. "It was a stupid question...I just feel useless."

"So do I." Beckett said solemnly, studying the floor. She let out a sigh. "I have to go." She ran a hand through her hair. "You guys guys get some rest." And just like Castle, she walked out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The loft was dark. The only light was coming from Castle's office. Beckett took off her coat, badge and gun and went straight to his office but didn't came in. Instead, she observed him from the door frame. He was writing, but in the leather notebook. She could see how tense he was as the pen flowed over the paper. His expression was hard to describe, since there was more than one emotion on his features. He looked focus, his eyebrows frowning, but he also looked scared of what he was writing. She waited until he finished before knocking softly on his door.

"I didn't know you were here." Castle said, his eyes looking tired and yet with a small smile on his face.

"I didn't want to disturb." She shrugged. "Did you have another nightmare?" Beckett approached and sat on his lap, putting her arms around his neck. She didn't feel the bandage on his shoulder.

"I just had to write some things down." He put the leather notebook aside. "So, what did the woman said?" He asked, referring to the shrink she was interviewing that afternoon.

"Well, she only confirmed that our victims had family history of mental disorders, but we won't have anymore information until we get their records." She let out a sigh. They stayed there. Holding each other and listening to their own breathing for a while. Just as Beckett was about to ask him about his appointment with Dr. Burke, he said.

"I'm gonna take a shower Kate." He stood up and kissed the top of her head. Then, he walked out towards the bathroom.

She just sat there at his chair, staring at his desk. His laptop was closed at one side, there was a bottle of whiskey half empty and a glass beside it. She wasn't sure whether to open his leather notebook or remaining oblivious to the dark side or Rick Castle's imagination. She heard the water run in the bathroom, so embracing herself for what she was about to read, Beckett opened Castle's nightmare log.

He felt different as the warm water ran down his body. The cut on his shoulder stung, but tried not to pay any attention to it. Not that it was difficult with his pounding headache. One would think that by that point you'd have adjusted to it, but the pain was really annoying. As the water washed down the stress of the past days, he couldn't help but thinking about the case. The sense of familiarity between the killer and him was growing stronger. Castle couldn't help but think that whoever killed those women, was also going through something and the only way he could think to let out all his anger was to send a message, but what kind of twisted message was that of scrambling into brains?

Not being able to let go from his thoughts, he closed the tap and ran a hand through his wet hair. Dr. Burke was right, he had to try to sit out of this case. It was only driving him crazier, but the thing was...the only way to catch this guy was to actually following him to the depths of his reasoning, no matter how irrational or insane they were. Before putting on his T-shirt, he opened the emergency cabinet and took out a fresh bandage for his shoulder. Letting out a sigh and hoping Kate wouldn't notice, Castle got out of the bathroom to meet his fiancée, but she wasn't in the bedroom. He walked to his study, to find her reading his notebook. Immediately she looked up to find him standing at the doorway.

"Castle..." Her cheeks turned red. "I'm sorry...I..." She realized he wasn't upset. In fact, the way he was staring at her was as if he actually wanted her to read it. "I know you told me I could read it, but I wasn't gonna do it...I just..."

"Couldn't resist?" He filled for her. Castle got closer and took her hands in his. The notebook long forgotten. "Don't apologize." Then he smiles. "I would've been curious too." He pulled her out of his chair. "Come on." He kissed her deeply and reassuring. "All I wanna do is forget about this stuff tonight...we can talk about it tomorrow if you want." She smiled. That's the only thing she needed from him.

"Sounds good to me." She kissed him back and with joined hands the both walked in their bedroom.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's still dark when he wakes up. Beckett is deeply asleep beside him. He's not sure what woke him, but he pulled the covers and walks up to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Then, Castle goes to his office and turns on the tv screen behind his desk, revealing his own murder board of Mary and Jessica's murder. He's not doing anything but staring at the screen, forgetting about everything else, until something caught his attention. He stood up and peek into the bedroom to find Beckett still sleeping profoundly.

However, he startles as he turns back to his office, because there's a man in the room and he knows that man. Castle panics. The man looks dead. His eyes are cold, white and expressionless, but his mouth is showing a twisted, inhuman smile. Both of them just kept staring at each other, until the corpse turned his back at Castle, opened the window and started descending the stairway outside. Off course Castle didn't doubt on following him.

It was cold outside. The pavement felt cold under his feet as Castle followed the dead man, without knowing where he was going. The corpse didn't notice he was behind him, but something told Castle that whoever this vision was, wanted Castle to follow him. He followed the man, not caring about cars, pedestrians or the fact that he was wearing shorts and a Tshirt and lacking of shoes.

It wasn't until the corpse turned to an alley, that Castle stopped for a minute, wondering whether he should follow the guy, but for some weird reason his mind was clouded. He couldn't think straight, but his body was telling him to follow the guy. However, Castle immediately regretted as he walked into the alley.

He couldn't really see what the dead man was doing, but there was blood everywhere. Castle didn't move. He couldn't move. His pounding headache wouldn't let him. Suddenly, the corpse turned around and saw him. There was an evil smile plastered on his decayed face. He ran towards Castle and punched him deeply right in his ribs. Castle tried to defend himself, in vain since his cold dead hands took him by the neck and shoved him on the wall. Castle lost consciousness.

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey Guys! I know it took me a while, but I have to organize my thought for this fanfic...besides the SCARING SPOILERS and I say scaring because Andrew Marlowe wouldn't just slip Beckett's answer to the proposal...so as usual PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW...since is the only way I know what you guys think...THANK YOU**

* * *

It takes awhile for her to actually fall asleep, after what she'd read from Castle's notebook. Yes, she had expected a bunch of nightmare stories, but never quite expected to find them so incredibly detailed, dark, sinister. The reason wasn't necessary because of the actual plot of his dreams, but how he describe them. Beckett had always thought he was very talented, even before she actually met him, but it was only until that night that she realized how Castle's words could easily turn into something terrifying.

She only read the first twenty pages of the notebook, not being able to read more than than that, because he got out of the shower and dragged her to bed before she could read more, but also because she couldn't take the emotional content of each page she read. It was hard to imagine he had actually dreamed that stuff and ironically it was easy for her to see with all the clarity every single thing he described.

Her heart broke for him as Beckett imagined the pain he must've felt when he wrote that. So, as a way to comfort him and reassure her as well, when she and Castle went to bed she hold him tightly, until she was able to fall asleep peacefully. She felt his breath against her neck. It was uneven and he was starting to sweat. She let go, even as her heart and brain told her not to, he needed some space and she was willing to give him that. So, she turned on her side. Beckett felt him move towards the edge of the bed, but his foot was touching hers. A reminder that as much as he wanted space, he also needed her close. She drift off to her own messy dreams. She didn't feel Castle leaving the room...much less the loft.

It's a strange cold at her spine that woke her mind from the fogginess of slumber. Beckett extended a hand to reach for her fiancé, but it only found cold sheets. Immediately she opened her eyes to confirm what her hand felt. Beckett glanced at the bathroom, but it was empty. She removed the covers and got up from the bed. Her feet meeting the soft rug, she took a look around in the darkness. He didn't seem to be in his office, so she went up to the kitchen, to find a glass sitting on the counter that still had some water in it.

Beckett climbed up the stairs in the hope of finding Castle in any of the room, but was received by silence. As she descended the stairs Beckett took a couple of deep breaths trying not to panic. She still had to check his office. Her stomach dropped as she saw it was empty. Deep breaths Beckett. He had to be somewhere here. Castle wouldn't leave without his phone, wallet or even his shoes. She went into Detective mode, scanning the room, searching for something out of place. But there wasn't. Everything seemed to be in place, except for the remote of the screen behind his desk.

Her blood ran cold, as she turned it on. She was received by the gruesome images of the recent murders. He had his own notes on some pictures. When she opened one, Beckett couldn't understand what he wrote, for the most part because most of the phrases were incomplete and they lack of coherence, which only worried Beckett even more. It was when she was about to open another note, when she felt a gust of cold wind coming from the window behind her.

"Shit." Beckett ran back at the bedroom and grabbed her phone. She dialed Esposito. "Come on Javi pick up..." She was pacing impatiently around the room.

_"Esposito." said the sleepy voice of the male Detective._

"Javi is Beckett." She didn't really know how she managed to maintain control of her voice.

_"Jeez Beckett...is three in the morning" He said exasperated. Beckett heard the voice of someone on the other line. Lanie was with him._

"Javi he's gone." She was blunt. No time for nonsense. She moved around the closet and got out a NYPD hoodie and some jeans.

_"Who's gone?" Esposito asked, now fully awake by Beckett's voice, which was on speaker by that point. At his side, Lanie was also listening carefully._

"Castle." Beckett answered quickly. "I've searched everywhere, he's gone."

_"Did you tried to call him?"_

"He left without his phone and wallet." She said. Esposito pulled the covers and started to get dressed. "He didn't even put shoes on...or took a coat with him."

_"Okay, I'll call Ryan and we'll go to the precinct, see if he's there." Esposito said calmly._

"I'm heading out now, see if I find him nearby...he's on foot." Beckett was already grabbing her keys, badge and gun, just in case.

_"Alright, I'll call you if I know anything." She heard noises, so she assumed he was already leaving Lanie's place._

"Okay." Beckett hanged up and headed towards the car.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ryan and Esposito walked into the homicide floor of the 12th precinct. It was almost empty. They looked for Castle in every spot they could think off, but with no luck.

"He's not here." Ryan said, sitting on his chair and grabbing the phone. "I'm gonna call dispatch." But Esposito stopped him.

"Bro we can't do that yet...we don't even know if he's missing." He tried to reason, but the statement itself fell apart.

"Right, because is so common that people go on walk in the middle of the night without wearing shoes." Ryan snapped. "I'm sorry...is just that..."

"I understand." He let go of the phone and gave it to Ryan. "I also can't stop thinking of the worst case scenario."

"Thanks bro." Ryan dialed a number. "It's just for the patrols to keep an eye on him...to find him faster." While he was talking to dispatch, Esposito's phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text from Beckett.

_"Did u guys find anything?"_

_"Not yet."_ He texted back. _"We put an alert on him...we'll find him."_

"Castle what in the hell did you got yourself into?" Esposito whispered, mostly for himself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The streets were mostly empty, which was an advantage for Beckett, giving the circumstances. He was nowhere to be found. She looked every alley and street within ten blocks from the loft. But no sign of him nearby. She had texted Esposito, to see if they'd been any lucky and he told her they put an alert on Castle, but...was that enough? Ever since this case started Castle had been getting closer to the edge and she didn't know what to do. He was falling apart before her very eyes and there was nothing she could do, except being there for him whenever he needed it, but the truth was that she felt it wasn't enough. Keeping an eye on the sidewalks she dialed a number.

_"This is Caroline Bishop." greeted her sleepy voice._

"Caroline is Kate." Immediately Caroline sat at her bed, fully awake.

_"What's wrong Kate? What happened?"_

"Castle ran off the loft." Beckett answered, trying to maintain control.

_"Did you guys had a fight and left or...?"_

"No." She explained. "We...uh...we went to bed together...I woke up since I didn't feel him in the bed and he was just gone." Before Caroline could say something else, she added. "He didn't take his wallet or phone with him...Caroline he didn't even put on some shoes."

_"Sleepwalking." Caroline concluded._

"I thought the same thing...Caroline if he's not conscious..." Beckett was starting to imagine the worst. "Anything can happen to him and the worst part is that he's not even gonna realize it."

_"Kate, calm down." Caroline said. "If he's sleepwalking, one, he can't go that far and two is possible but not exactly probable that he'd go to a familiar place to him...now with that in mind, I'm already heading out t our usual spot and see if he's there and you should do the same...I'll call you if I find him...okay, but you have to stay calm and focus...alright?"_

"Yeah...I know..." Beckett brushed her face with her hand and took a deep breath. "The swings are pretty close, maybe he's there."

_"Okay." Caroline was already starting up her car. "Call me if you find him."_

"I will." Then, Beckett hanged up and took course to their swings.

* * *

**A/N: More to come...**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey guys...sorry for updating this late...but I've been having some trouble with my internet...now I don't know about you guys but the recent spoilers are killing me...I honestly can't wait for the season premiere...anyway as usual PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY!**

* * *

The phone rang.

"Ryan.." he listened. His face darkened. "Okay, call the paramedics, we'll be right there." Esposito was looking at him expectant. "They found him."

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The swings were empty. Beckett was trying so hard to keep under control, but every minute that passed, she thought of the worst case scenario. She wandered through the park almost three times, until her phone rang. It was Ryan.

"Ryan did you find him?" She asked immediately.

"We did, Esposito is texting you the address as we speak." Beckett let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "We're on our way, Lanie will meet us there."

"Yeah...wait...did you say Lanie?" Beckett was starting to panic. "Why would Lanie go? Unless..." Her stomach dropped. "Oh my god..." She couldn't say anything else, she couldn't think of it.

"What?!" Ryan almost screamed over the phone. "Jesus no, Castle's not...look when they found him, there was also a dead body...for all we know Castle's fine." Ryan added quickly.

"Oh..."Beckett sighed with wet eyes, already starting the car. "I'll be right there."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When his senses came back he felt cold. But then again, how could he not, when he was in some kind of alley with nothing but some shorts and a T- Shirt. Where the hell was he? When Castle tried to stand up, he felt a sharp pain on his side. Then, the sound of sirens and footsteps. What happened? As he leaned on a wall for balance, he noticed it wasn't a place he recognized. He turned to see what was behind him and regretted it immediately, because right in front of him was another dead body. However, this time, it was a man. Just as Castle was about to approach the corpse, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Sir, can you hear me?" A voice said. Apparently he hadn't noticed the dead man yet. "Do you know where you are?" The police officer asked.

"No..." Castle's voice was hoarse. The officer took a look at him.

"What's your name?"

"Rick Castle." He answered and the cop turned to his partner and said.

"Hey Bob!" He called. "I found the guy, call dispatch." Then, he turned to Castle again. "Are you hurt?"

"I don't think so." Castle didn't even know if was awake. "Officer, please call Detective Ryan and tell him to bring Dr. Lanie Parish." He rubbed his face. "This is a crime scene." In that moment, the officer so called Bob joined them.

"I called dispatch, they communicated me with a Detective Ryan, he told me to call the paramedics." Bob said.

"No, that's not necessary." Castle rushed to say.

"Look man, you're a civilian that is pretty banged up." Bob said. "And there's a dead body, so just wait until they get here."

"I'll get a blanket for you." Bob's partner ran up to the patrol car and took out a blanket and gave it to Castle.

"Thank you." Castle put it over his shoulders and rubbed his hands against it, in order to get warm. Something was off though. If two cops found him with a dead body behind him..."Shouldn't you arrest me?" He asked Bob.

"Are you confessing to murder?" Bob replied as Castle shook his head. "You don't seem like you're gonna run off...and you have friends at the 12th...friends that trust you...so I think we don't have to go up to that extreme." Before Castle could reply, an ambulance arrived.

The paramedics didn't waste any time in checking his injuries. He didn't know exactly why, but he didn't want the paramedics to know about the pulsing pain in his head and his side, so it took all his concentration to deny anything but the swollen knuckles and the bruise at his jaw. The young ETM was just about to lift his sweaty shirt to check for damage, when Ryan and Esposito arrived. They immediately spotted Castle and quickly approached to him.

"Yo Castle are you okay man?" Esposito asked. His concern plastered on his face, although he was doing a fair job hiding it.

"Yeah I'm fine." Castle said absently. He was shaking. "I'm just a little cold."

"You got us pretty scared." Ryan intervened glancing at him. "How did you get here?" In that moment, Ryan hadn't seen Castle's eyes so confused and lost.

"I...uh...I can't remember..." He stammered. "I...was at the loft...then I woke up here...with a corpse behind me..." Then the realization came. "I was sleepwalking."

"So it appears." Esposito said. "And about the body, Lanie is on her way...so is Beckett." The last part didn't seem to affect Castle in anyway.

"Guys...I don't know anything...I mean I just found the guy over there." He pointed at the victim. "I haven't even gotten close to it." Castle stood up and was about to leave the ambulance, when Ryan's arm stopped him.

"Let's just wait until Lanie comes here." Ryan sat him back down at the edge of the bus. "Did they cleared you?" He asked looking at the ETMs.

"Yeah..." Castle lied. "I'm fine." The three men saw as a van parked in front of the alley and Lanie came out of it. She walked towards Castle and hugged him. "Lanie go there and tell me I didn't kill that man."

"I know you didn't kill anyone." Lanie assured him, but Castle looked at her pleading. "Give me a minute." And she walked out towards the body.

"Go with her guys." Castle said to Ryan and Esposito. "I'll wait here for Beckett." Esposito gave him a gentle squeeze on his arm and walked out with Ryan. He didn't have to wait long before Beckett appeared with worry and fear written all over her face. She walked straight to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm so glad that you're okay." She whispered against his ear. She pulled a little from him to look at his face. "I was scared for you Castle." Beckett gently stroke his face on the side of the bruise.

"I'm sorry I scared you." He couldn't even look at her.

"It doesn't matter now Castle." She kissed him. "What happened?" Beckett asked as she pulled apart.

"I don't know Kate." He was lost and her heart clenched for him. "I can't remember anything...all I recall was being at the loft and then waking up here." She assessed him.

"You fought with someone." She took his bruised knuckles, grabbed a bandage and rolled it on his hand. Before she could say anything else Lanie walked in.

"What is it Lanie?" Castle asked in a desperate tone, they didn't get to hear everyday, unless he was scared of something.

"I have good and bad news" Lanie's face was serious.

"The good first Lanie." Beckett said, knowing that Castle needed something positive now.

"Castle's bruises are not consistent with the victim's injuries." At that moment, Castle let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "The not so good news is that there's no ID on the body."

"Also there are no security cameras around the area, so we don't know who attacked Castle." Esposito completed.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna take Castle back to the loft and I'll meet you guys at the 12th." Beckett said.

"Whoa...Beckett hold on." Castle stopped her. "I'm fine, I can work this case."

"Really?" Beckett glared at him. "If you're as fine as you claim to be, then how did you end up here?"

"I can't rest Beckett!" He snapped at her. "I need to know who did this, because right now...I'm thinking the worst!" Both Castle and Beckett didn't realize that people was staring at them. Without saying any word, she took out her phone. "Who are you calling?"

"You need to put some shoes at least." She said reluctantly. "Caroline, is Kate...yes we found him...could you do me a favor?...Since Castle is refusing to go back at the loft and get some rest...can you bring him some clothes at the precinct?...Yeah...Thank you." She hanged up the phone and without saying anything else, Beckett walked up to her car. Castle followed her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The atmosphere in the car was tense and uncomfortable. Castle was looking out the window, with his head resting on the cold glass. He honestly felt like crap, but he couldn't rest until this whole nightmare was over. He felt as his head might explode from the pain, his vision was a little blurred. Castle tried to concentrate in the gentle hum of the engine, as Beckett drove them to the Precinct, or at least that's where he expected to go.

At the driver's seat, Beckett was observing Castle every time she got a chance. She wanted to fight him, tell him he was reaching bottom with this case, but she knew he wasn't gonna give in. However, her mind rested a little because at the precinct he could keep an eye on Castle, just in case.

"I'm sorry Kate." said Castle's tired and hoarse voice. "I just can't let this go...I need...I need to confront whatever it is that's affecting me so bad."

"I know..." She took his hand and put it on her lap. "But please don't shut me out, because I may not know what's happening to you, but I do know you can't face it alone." She looked while they were waiting on the light to turn green. The deep blue of his eyes, usually with a magical spark that made her feel optimistic, was replaced by a cloudy, lost and almost desperate expression.

"You don't even realize how much better that makes me feel." He let a small smile.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As soon as Castle and Beckett got to the precinct, Caroline arrived with some clothes for Castle, since he was still wearing shorts and a T- Shirt. He quickly changed into some jeans and a dark blue shirt. When Castle walked out of the bathroom, Beckett got a text from Lanie.

"Come on Castle, Lanie wants to see us right now." She informed. So, they went to the morgue. Lanie didn't greet them, instead she looked at them with a serious face. Bad news. "What do you have Lanie?" Beckett asked.

"Well the cause of death is exsanguination." Lanie answered. "The killer slid his throat in a clean, precise cut." There was a pause. Something was wrong. "At first it seemed like an isolated murder, until I notice this vertical cut starting at the hairline and going all the way up to the back of the head." She pointed at the cut. It looked surgical. "It's recent, I'd say right after he was killed."

"That's weird." Castle pointed out.

"It gets even weirder." Lanie replied. "When I opened the cut...his brain is gone." She finished.

"Gone?" Castle asked. "You mean he has no brain?" Lanie nodded horrified. It only took a second for the three of them to do the math. "He's our third victim." Castle whispered.

"Wait Castle, don't jump to conclusions just yet." Beckett intervened. "Lanie is it possible that he was killed by the same person who murder Mary and Jessica?" For the way she sounded it was like she didn't want to hear the answer. But before the ME could say something, Castle interrupted.

"Off course it's him." Castle stated. "This victim just proves that the murders are more personal to him."

"What makes you say that?" Lanie asked.

"Since we already establish that the connection between the victims is the murderer, then is not a serial killer. He has a motive and a mission to complete...and he's not gonna stop until he finishes it. He's targeting specific people." Castle concluded. Beckett wanted to reply, but she didn't want him to think that she doubted him. They were gonna talk about it later.

"Anything else that you can tell me?" Beckett turned to Lanie.

"Not for now." Lanie put the sheet over the body. "Now, Castle come here." Lanie pointed at a booth at the end of the morgue.

"What?...Why?" Castle said confused.

"I talked to the paramedics, they didn't finish checking you for injuries." Beckett replied resolutely, as Castle gave her a cold glare.

"Beckett I'm fine." He hissed.

"Then it's not gonna be a problem that Lanie checks you out." In that moment Castle understood that Beckett needed confirmation that he was actually alright. So, he sat down on the booth and let Lanie examine him. She poked the side of his jaw, where there was an angry purple bruise, then she moved to his bandaged hand and unwrapped the cloth to take a look at his knuckles.

"Castle you better put some ice on that, so that it doesn't swell much." Lanie said in a full business tone. "Now, take off your shirt."

"Why Dr. Parish, you do know I'm engaged." Castle arched his eyebrow. Beckett let out a small laugh, she'd been longing to see her fiancè cracking a bad joke.

"Well, unless you want Beckett's 'look', you better take your shirt off." Lanie replied. Letting out a breath, Castle proceeded to unbutton his shirt completely forgetting about the cut on his shoulder.

"Castle what happened on your shoulder?" Beckett asked, but before Castle could say something, Lanie was already pulling the bandage, revealing the rather large gash. "Oh my god..."

"I...it was an accident." He felt the antiseptic burning through the cut as the Dr. cleaned the wound. Castle didn't know nor he wanted to explain he didn't have recollection of it happening, and that it was possible he could've done it to himself. "I...I fell...in...uhmm...the bathroom...yesterday." Lanie looked at him as she dressed the cut again. She knew. She knew he'd done it to himself, but he was grateful she didn't say anything to Beckett.

"Well Castle you have bruised ribs." Lanie diagnosed taking a look at the angry purple fist mark on his side. "You're gonna have to take it easy for a while, so that this heals properly...no sudden movements okay?"

"Got it..." He put his shirt on.

"Thank you Lanie." Beckett said.

* * *

**A/N: More to come...**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hey guys...I'm soo grateful for your reviews...like seriously they keep me writing...so here's the next chapter...as usual PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY!**

* * *

The returned to the homicide floor, without saying a word to each other. Castle sat on his usual chair while Beckett went to get some coffee. He couldn't stop thinking about what Dr. Burke said to him in his last session. He thought Castle was starting to be mentally unstable, that he needed a break or he'd probably get worse. But the question still stood. What the hell was his problem? He never sleepwalked before, or actually hurt himself. But the thing that frightened Castle the most, was the fact that he didn't remember any of it. It was like he had lapses where he just got lost into nothingness. And then that dead man, who kept appearing everywhere he went. Castle knew it couldn't be real, but what if the case was triggering that specific hallucination? He was snapped out his thought as Beckett sat next to him.

"Here you go." Beckett said handing him his usual mug.

"I'm not in the mood right now." He said coldly.

"It's decaf." She let out a small smile when he took the mug gratefully. Castle rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid off the blurriness, but it didn't go away. Maybe exhaustion? He sipped his coffee and took the Tylenol, Caroline was kind enough to sneak in his jacket pocket. He took two with another sip of the coffee. "Castle, how much of that have you been taking?"

"Kate...as much as I love and appreciate your concern, I need you to please stop questioning my every move." Castle said gently, yet his voice was cold. Before Beckett could reply, the boys came in.

"Hey, so uniforms just finish their canvas, there're two witnesses who claim have seen two men fighting before calling the police." Ryan read his notes. "But they don't recall seen a third person."

"They do remember that one of the two men was walking out of the alley and the other approached to him and started fighting." Esposito completed.

"Okay, so we can assume that was Castle and our killer." Beckett said.

"Wait..." Castle stood up and looked at the pictures of the crime scene. "Guys, look at the scene...Lanie said that the killer slid his throat and yet..."

"There's no blood." Beckett's eyes went wide. "He was killed somewhere else."

"But the killer put the body before I arrived, that's why no one saw it." Castle said. "He must've killed him nearby, to avoid drawing the attention of the night guards."

"Is there security footage?" Beckett asked the boys.

"They just send it over." Ryan answered. The three cops and Castle went into the conference room and played the security tapes from the previous night. It was pitch black on the alley, preventing them from seeing the killer. About ten minutes into the tape a tall man, dressed in black, with a winter cap and with a surgical facemask came walking up the street.

"It's impossible to recognize." Esposito said in frustration. Just as the man was about to reach the street, the image of Castle came running and lunged towards him, both hitting the ground. The man stood up first and punched Castle straight in the jaw. Then, Castle took him and hit back, but before he could make any other move, the suspect kicked Castle on his side and then shoved his head into the wall. He dropped unconscious and the perp ran away.

Ryan paused the feed. Everyone in the room was silent after the scene they just saw. Castle just kept staring at his own figure laying on the pavement. He couldn't believe his eyes. His movements on that alley showed not only the fact that he was actually awake, but that he could've probably known who the killer was.

"Castle..." He heard Beckett's voice called. He almost ran into a young man when he opened the door of the conference room.

"Sorry..." Castle apologized absently.

"Are you Mr. Richard Castle?" the young man asked. Castle turned to face him. It was a delivery boy.

"Uh...yeah what is it?"

"I have a package for you sir." He took a small box.

"Right..." Castle signed and took the package. "Thanks." He didn't see the boy leaving as he opened the box. Beckett, Esposito and Ryan walked out to see what was going on.

"What is it Castle?" Beckett asked moving closer to him to see the contents of the box, but before anything Castle let out a scream and dropped the box on the floor. It was then, when Beckett saw what was in it. A brain. The victim's brain, with a note attached to it. "Ryan, don't let the messenger out of the precinct!" She yelled amidst the bustle. Castle was just standing there, looking down at the human brain and took the note.

"I got him!" Ryan came with the messenger stumbling out of the elevator.

Immediately, Castle walked towards them, took the young man and threw him. He stood over him and took him from the collar of his hoodie. His eyes were disoriented.

"Who gave you the box?" Castle asked in a terrifying tone.

"I don't know." The boy said coldly. Castle saw how his face was changing. Sounds became muffled. It was just him and...the dead man? What the fuck...?

"Who gave you that package?" Castle asked again, his voice on edge. The dead man...no...messenger...wouldn't budge.

"I just got ordered to deliver it to Richard Castle." said the dead man...no...messenger.

"By whom?!" He shook the boy.

"Losing control Rick?" Ok that was the dead man. Castle wouldn't let go of him.

"Castle!" He heard Beckett scream. "Castle let go of him now." Nothing. She, Ryan and Esposito were trying to take Castle off the guy, but he wouldn't move.

"Mr. Castle let go of that man, otherwise I'll arrest you." The voice of Captain Gates was the only thing Castle actually responded to. He was sweating as he realized the entire homicide floor was looking at him with both fear and hesitation. His eyes were stormy, dark but more so confused by the recent events. He ran off to the men's room. "Now, Detective Esposito, please escort this man to the break room." Gates ordered. "Detective Ryan, please call Dr. Parish and tell her we just got the missing organ from the victim and Detective Beckett, I expect you and Mr. Castle in my office." With that she walked out from the scene.

Beckett was officially freaked out. What the hell had just happened? She came close to the box and picked up the note. Her blood ran cold and her heart clenched.

_Rick,_

_Do you like my work? You're on the wrong side of reality, maybe this will prove what I've been trying to tell you for so long._

_PS: You'll keep failing to catch me, until you realize what has been eaten deep inside you, since you were a teen._

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hey guys...again I'm sorry for taking this long, but I hadn't had the time to upload...anyway PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY!**

* * *

Castle was sitting on the bathroom floor. He was losing his grip on reality. He couldn't control his shaking and the pain in his head felt like someone was drilling on his skull. He had to see Dr. Burke. Castle stood up and splashed some water on his face and hair. Then, he heard a knock on the door.

"Castle..." Beckett's muffled voice said. He didn't answer. "Castle the guy is fine." That relieved him, a little. "Can I come in?" She asked carefully. Hearing no response she came in. Castle was just looking at his reflection with somber eyes. She gently came closer to him and ran her hand over his back. Beckett didn't look at him directly, only his image on the bathroom mirror.

"I...Is...Is he gonna press charges?"

"No."

"He should." Castle said avoiding her gaze.

"No." Beckett repeated. "You didn't hit him Castle...you just pushed him around a little but that's it." Castle kept his eyes down. "I know you're not up for this but...Gates wants to see us." Castle only nodded, heading towards the door. Beckett followed.

"Close the door." Gates said, when Castle and Beckett came in. "What did the note said?"

"Nothing relevant to the case, sir." Castle answered coldly. His face like steel.

"I don't believe you Mr. Castle." Gates turned to Beckett. "Detective Beckett, do you agree with what Mr. Castle had just said?"

"No, sir."

"Beckett..."Castle said in a warning tone.

"The killer is using the victims to send some kind of message to Castle." Beckett said ignoring her fiancé's death glare. "Is like he's dedicating the murders to him."

"Do you think he's after Mr. Castle?"

"It's possible..."

"No is not." Castle interrupted. "Is not his purpose."

"Excuse me?" Gates turned to Castle. "The man just sent you the victim's brains, if that's not a threat I don't know what is."

"He doesn't want to kill me." Castle's anger was rising. "He knows I'm investigating, that's why he send me the package. It wasn't a threat, it was a message. He wants me to know he's smarter than me."

"Very well..." Gates stood up. "Mr. Castle I don't want you near this case from now on."

"What?!" Castle yelled.

"You're too involved in it, to the point is starting to actually affect your mental health."

"I'm not crazy Captain!"

"You think I don't know what goes on with my people Mr. Castle?!" Gates was now yelling as well and they started to attract the attention.

"There's nothing going on!"

"Oh I'm sorry, but what about you disappearing in the middle of the night only to be found at another crime scene?" Gates was livid. "What about you losing it at Trent Premer's interrogation or even a few minutes ago with that delivery man?!" Beckett noticed how Castle's bruised knuckles were turning white as he tried to control his anger. "Castle you're in no condition to keep working on this case. I don't wanna see my people breaking down because they got too involved."

"I'm not breaking down." Castle said icily.

"Yes you are." Gates' voice was low, almost compassionate. "And it makes you volatile, reckless but most of all, it makes you a danger to the ones around you."

With that last statement Castle's anger dissipated and turned into guilt. He walk towards the door and left without saying a word to Gates or Beckett for that matter. The whole floor was looking at him but Castle didn't care. He got into the elevator and disappeared behind its doors. He needed help.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Richard Castle was sitting impatiently at the waiting room of Dr. Burke's office. He had called and said it was an emergency, so Burke's secretary squeezed him in. Castle was tapping, when the Dr. came through the door announcing his name.

"My secretary said is was an emergency." Burke sat down.

"I think I'm losing my mind." Castle whispered.

"Tell me, why do you think that."

"Last night..." Castle was sweating, and his head was aching badly. It was hard to concentrate. "After I went to bed...I mean I...I can't even explain it...I don't even remember...It's like a big blank..."

"What happened last night?" Burke's voice was quiet, calm and strangely soothing. No wonder why he was a good therapist.

"I don't know!" Castle yelled. "All I know is that the next thing I know I woke up at some dirty alley with a dead body behind me!"

"A dead body?" Burke wrote something on a notepad on the table next to him.

"The third victim...he was killed by the same man who murdered the other two girls."

"How is he connected to the other victims?"

"I...We don't know yet...I...but the MO was the same...I...he slid his throat and took the brains out."

"But you told me he only messed up with the brain, not actually extract it." Burke recalled. "What makes you so sure is the same guy?"

"Because he sent the brain to me..." Castle ran a hand through his hair. "With a note."

"What did the note said?"

"Uh..." Castle's face dropped. "He dedicated the murders to me." Burke looked at him with apprehension. It seemed to Castle that he was trying to decide whether push for more or not.

"How does that makes you feel?"

"I doesn't matter...I'm off the case anyway." He avoided.

"Who boot you off the case?"

"Captain Gates."

"So you must be angry at her." Burke deduced.

"I was." Castle sat down. "But she did the right thing."

"Then who are you angry at?"

"Myself." Castle answered simply.

"Why?" Burke pushed.

"Because no matter how hard I try, I keep failing to catch this son of a bitch." Castle was staring at the floor. "Because I can't understand what's happening to me and I'm losing control." Burke wrote something on his notepad. "I can't see thing clearly." There was a moment of silence.

"In your medical history it says that you were misdiagnosed with schizophrenia, have those memories come back during this case?"

"I don't think I was misdiagnosed after all." Castle said with defeat on his voice.

"Don't jump to conclusions Rick." Burke's voice steady. "I keep my position in saying that you do not have schizophrenia, but that doesn't mean there's no problem."

"So what can I do?"

"For now, I'm gonna send you to Dr. Hall. He's the best neurologist in New York." Burke said, grabbing a card from his desk. "I want you to go there now, in order to do some test that hopefully will clarify what we're dealing with."

"Why do you think I might a neurological problem?" Castle asked, a little more hopeful.

"Because of the symptoms you described."

"So, what do I do after the tests?"

"Rest." Burke said. "Try to stay away from the case as you're instructed, don't worn yourself out because that won't help at all."

"What if there's nothing wrong neurologically?" Castle asked not being sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"We're not gonna worry about that until it's necessary." Castle headed towards the door.

"Thank you Dr. Burke." With that Castle left the consultation room and went to the hospital.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was almost 6 in the afternoon. Beckett was sitting at her desk doing paperwork, while Ryan and Esposito were tracking down their latest victim's family. His name was Jason Walker, a social worker at the Bronx. They got the DNA results right after Castle stormed out of the Precinct. Castle. She couldn't get him out of her mind. He left without giving them the chance to assign a protective detail on him and she was worried.

"Beckett." Esposito snapped her out of her thoughts.

"What is it?"

"We just finished talking with Walker's brother." Esposito said.

"Turns out Walker was being treated for schizophrenia at seven different clinics for the past three years." Ryan continued.

"Okay, so talk to his therapists, see if they can tell us anything." Beckett ordered.

"On it." Esposito said, leaving her and Ryan.

"Kate..." Ryan started but Beckett interrupted.

"I know what you're gonna say Kev and the answer is that I don't know." Beckett sighed.

"So it's true then, Castle does have a connection with the killer?" Ryan seeked for confirmation.

"It appears that way...but..." She trailed off. Finally an idea came to her mind. "I have to go." So, without saying anything else Beckett left, leaving a very confused Ryan behind.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Beckett arrived at the bar, she immediately saw Caroline drinking from her beer. She took a sit next to her.

"Thank you for coming Caroline." Beckett ordered a beer as well.

"You made it sound urgent. So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Castle."

"Yeah I'm worried about him too." Caroline sighed, having another sip of her beer.

"Yeah and thing case just keeps getting worse."

"How so?"

"This afternoon we got a note, most likely from the killer." Beckett took out a small plastic bag with a red tape that said 'Evidence'. "It was addressed to Castle."

"That certainly won't help him at all." Caroline took the note and read it quickly. "This is bad..."

"In the note it says Castle's on the wrong side of reality, what could that mean?" Beckett asked in full Detective mode.

"Humm...I don't...Look when we were in college people often referred to Rick as crazy, as I told you before he was pretty weird back then, so anyone could've said that about him." Caroline answered.

"What about the part which talks about something that might've happened when Castle was a teenagers, would you know anything about that?"

"Not really..." Caroline narrowed her eyes, trying to remember her previous conversations with Castle. "He's very private about his early years, he only told me about the lack of money and the bullies in his high school." Both women fell into silence as they drank their beers. "Do you think the killer will go after Rick?"

"I don't even want to think about that." Beckett said honestly. "But right now, is the only thing that explains the note."

"Kate, as much as I'd like to help, Rick never talked about his problems, not even when we were living together. You can talk to his first psychiatrist, maybe he can tell you something about his past." Caroline suggested.

"The doctor that misdiagnosed him?"

"Yeah, Dr. Idra, maybe he can tell you something we don't know."

"Excuse me I have to make a phone call." Beckett said, taking out her phone.

"Sure."

"Hey Ryan listen, can you look into Dr. Robert Idra?" Beckett said. "Yeah, I wanna talk to him...thank you Ryan." She hanged up the phone and turned to Caroline. "Thank you Caroline, for everything."

"No problem." Caroline drank the last of her beer and checked her watch. "Kate I have to leave, but keep me posted on Rick's situation and feel free to call me in any case."

"Off course." Beckett stood up as well. "Thank you Caroline."

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys...first of all I'm soooo very sorry for keeping you guys waiting...I started a new job and is taking some of my time...plus I haven't been feeling in the mood to write this rather dark story...as usual PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY! I have probably three more chapters to go...**

It was dark, cold and quiet, when Castle opened the door of the loft. The atmosphere fitted his mood perfectly. He didn't bother to turn on the lights as he walked through the place. He sat on his office chair and pulled out a bottle of scotch from the bottom drawer. He had just come from the hospital, where they told him to rest, but he couldn't. Instead, he took out his leather notebook and turned on the electronic murder board.

His head was pounding painfully as he drank the gold liquid as if it was water. Castle pulled the bottle of Tylenol from his jacket pocket and swallowed two, feeling the whiskey burned his throat in a pleasant way. He proceeded to read each nightmare he'd written over the years, determined to find answers.

His vision is fuzzy and blurry, but he didn't care. Looking back and forth from the murder board and his log. Castle sensed someone with him, but it didn't break his concentration. He knew it was the dead man. It didn't bother him anymore. He actually felt that if the man was there, then he was getting closer to the answer.

Castle kept drinking, it seemed to help with his headache but his movements started to be sloppy. He read over and over again the background of the victims and soon understood that he had to be looking for a personal connection between him and them, the way they were killed, it all came back at him. At his feelings and suddenly it all made sense. He knew who the killer was. The dead man smiled evilly and walked slowly, like a zombie to the front door. Castle took his gun and followed him. He knew what he had to do.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It started to rain when Beckett arrived to Dr. Burke's office. She felt guilty about the fact that her actions with Captain Gates, booted Castle off the case but he couldn't keep it together anymore. Worry didn't even begin to cover what she was feeling at the moment. Beckett had tried to call Castle ever since he left the precinct, but she was received by his voicemail. She needed answers and Dr. Burke was the one that could give them to her.

The waiting room was empty, the low glow of the lamp only made Beckett feel worse than she already was. Burke opened the door and one his patients came out. It was a man, probably in his 30's. The Dr noticed Beckett and invited her in.

"Hello Kate, please sit down." Burke sat on his own chair mirroring Beckett's actions. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"I'm very worried about Castle."

"Kate, before you continue you must understand that whatever Rick and I have or haven't talked falls into doctor-patient confidentiality."

"I know, but he's getting worse." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "He's taking too many pain pills and is not just that..."

"It's hard to watch from the sideline." Burke finished for her. They both came up to a point where he could read her almost as good as Castle read her.

"The worst thing is that he keeps saying he's fine when we both know he's not." Beckett looked down. "But he can't hide it anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"When he ran off the loft, I noticed something when I inspected his office." Burke seemed genuinely interested. "He has this smart board, usually where he writes story plots and stuff, but this time it was his own murder board of out current case."

"Rick is currently too close to the case so it wouldn't be surprising that he's obsessed with it."

"Yeah...it didn't surprise me either, but when I looked closer at the notes he wrote...I couldn't make sense of them...it was like he couldn't write properly." Burke could see the concern in her eyes.

"Have you noticed something else, aside from the strange writing?"

"He's taking too many pain pills...he says is just a headache, but I know there's gotta be something else going on." In that moment Burke took out a small piece of paper. "What's that?" Beckett asked.

"Does this resembles what you saw on the smartboard?" He handed her the paper. She recognized the handwriting immediately, but not a single word made sense, except the words dead and insanity. The letters were completely messed up. The short message was unreadable. "From what I've figured out it's about the case he's currently working on." Burke concluded but Beckett didn't make a sound, just kept staring at the small piece of paper.

"Why do you have this?" She asked, her voice just a faint whisper.

"He dropped it from his pocket on our last session." He answered taking the paper back. "That's when my suspicions were confirmed."

"What suspicions?"

"That he's showing signs of dementia." Beckett gasped.

"Dementia..?"

"Look Kate I'm not sure if I should be telling you this, I mean I'm not even sure yet..."

"Doctor, I'm his fianceé, I need to know what's happening to him, because he's falling right before my eyes and there's nothing I can do because I don't know that the hell is going on, so is you have any idea...something that might help me bring the man I love back from that rabbit hole he's digging.." Her voice was choked as if she was gonna cry, but remained strong. "I can't just stand and watch him drown in his own mind."

"I can't give you a definite diagnosis Kate, only after the neurologist give us the test results."

"Tests results?"

"Kate, Rick's been showing symptoms of a physical condition rather than psychological." Burke said as Beckett sat back down. "As far as I could tell he's having extreme headaches, he's sweaty and, as I said before, he's showing signs of dementia, which includes memory lapses, hallucinations and cognitive issues that can be presented in actions like writing, reading or drawing."

Beckett was speechless. Indeed she has noticed the weird writing but she never actually thought it was that serious.

"He doesn't remember how he got to the alley the other night." Beckett remembered. "He's never sleepwalked."

"It's probable that he was very much awake when he left the loft that night, but that doesn't necessarily means that he was lucid." The doctor pointed out.

"I don't know what to do." Beckett said in resignation. "He thinks he needs to solve his problems on his own, when we both know he can't." Burke remained silent to give Beckett space to organize her feelings. "And now, with the note the killer left him, only made him broke him even more."

"Because he dedicated the murders to him."

"More than that." Beckett said. Burke shifted in his chair, clearly unaware of what the note specifically said. "He only told you that the killer dedicated the murders to him."

"Yes, I tried to push for more information but he wouldn't give up."

"Turns out that Castle could've had a personal relation with the killer. He talked about how he knew Castle was crazy and that he was gonna keep on killing if he didn't realize something that happened when Castle was younger." In that moment, Burke's features turned obscurely serious as he stood up and took out a file.

"I had my secretary pulling Rick's psychological history." He took out something that looked like some kind of report. "Although it does not mentions any traumatic event that triggered Rick's mental stability at the time, in this report from Dr. Robert Idra, estating with such conviction that Rick was suffering from schizophrenia. Later the board of psychiatrists of Mt. Sinai concluded that it was completely misdiagnosed and penalized Dr. Idra for malpraxis." When Beckett looked into his eyes they both put the pieces together.

"Dr. Idra is the killer."

* * *

**More to come soon...**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: First of all I have to say I'm terribly sorry for not updating any sooner...I have other excuse than lack of inspiration, even though I know where the story is going...besides the latest Castle news have been heart stopping so...anyway...here's the next entry of the story...again I'm sorry it took me this long...as usual PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY (which is the most important)**

* * *

Richard Castle didn't consider himself to be an unstable person. In fact, he had always managed to keep his composure under utterly stressful situations. Tonight however, this was not the case. He had arrived at Dr. Idra's practice with the sole purpose of finding out the truth and make him pay. The waiting room was empty its only occupants being Castle and the dead man. It was cold and quiet, except for the constant pluck of the raindrops against the window.

Castle reached for his coat's inner pocket and felt the cold metal of his gun against his fingertips. He let out a shuddering breath as cold sweat made its way down his neck. He felt sick, drained by the whole ordeal of the previous days. His vision was blurry, his head was spinning and the pulsing pain wouldn't go away. He couldn't breathe properly because of his bruised ribs, yet the pain from his knuckles and the cut on his shoulder seemed reassuring. His injuries were the only thing that kept him attached to reality.

Then the door opened. A tall man, dark haired, with glasses and a delicate moustache appeared. He was wearing a black three piece suit, with a light blue shirt. One could say it would've been impossible to suspect that a man with such presence was the murderer of three people. Castle and Dr. Idra looked at each other for a moment. Tension filled the atmosphere.

"I'm sorry sir, but therapy sessions are over." Dr. Idra said faking confusion.

"I'm not here for therapy doctor." Castle replied in a cold, steady, low voice. He pulled the gun and pointed straight at Idra's head with his shaky hand. "Get in." He ordered icely. The doctor did as he was told. Once both Castle and Idra were inside the office, Castle closed door softly, yet determined.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After leaving Castle the fourth voice mail, Beckett's phone rang. It was Ryan.

"What is it Ryan?"

"We were checking Dr. Idra's building footage and you are not gonna believe what we found." Ryan said through the phone.

"Ryan I don't have time to guess, Castle's missing so whatever you have to tell me just do it." Beckett said annoyed.

"What do you mean Castle's missing?" Esposito's voice said.

"What do you have on Idra?!" Beckett said exasperated.

"Footage confirms our three victims were seeing Idra regularly." Ryan answered.

"That doesn't prove he's the killer."

"We followed his whereabouts, through security cameras, phone and bank records, and about a week before the murders, he went to the crime scenes…" Esposito explained.

"It was like he was checking them." Ryan continued. "Not only that, He talked to our boy Trent Premer about three days before Mary Sedgwick was found dead."

"Well that's something." Beckett said over the phone. "Call judge Markway and I'll see you guys at Idra's practice."

"You got it Beckett." Esposito said and hung up.

"You better be there Castle."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Rick Castle, is that right?" asked Idra, looking at the unstable Castle from behind his desk. "I've hear about your work. It is unfortunate that we had to meet under these circumstances." He said in all his elegant, graceful accent.

"Don't play with me doctor." Castle pointed the gun to Idra's head.

"It seems like I'm in a disadvantage here don't you think Rick?" Idra's voice was calm despite the situation. "It appears that you know me, but I don't know you."

"That's not true." Castle said loudly. "And you know that's not true!" The gun was quivering in Castle's hands and his vision was getting less clear.

"Why don't you put the gun down Rick, and we can talk?"

"Right, so you can kill me afterwards no thanks."

"Why do you think I want to kill you Rick?" Castle could see past the lies in Idra's eyes, so he didn't budge and instead took the safety off the gun.

"You think you're smart right?" Castle's voice was low, cold, erratic yet firm. "You killed three people in cold blood after all…" He started pacing around the room, trying to ignore the sight of the dead man smiling at him, daring. "You managed to scare the crap out of the police, you left no evidence at the crime scenes, you thought you could push me up to the edge but there was something you didn't count on doctor Idra."

"And what's that Rick?" Idra didn't move an inch from where he was standing.

"I'm not crazy as you think I am." Castle answered. "It only took that letter for me to see you clearly." He used the sleeve of his left arm to wipe some of the sweat away. "It was a very risky move doctor...why would you expose yourself, after been so careful and meticulous at the crime scenes? What changed?"

"Rick, I have no idea what you're talking about." Idra said with the same calm voice.

"Don't lie!" Castle screamed, clearly losing control. "You killed Mary Sedgwick, Jessica Norton and Jason Walker!" Idra didn't even flinch. "I sliced their throats and then messed up with their brains!" His voice reverberated through the silent room.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Beckett." The detective said over the phone.

"Kate?" It was Alexis.

"Alexis, I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier, are you alright?" Beckett said in a worried tone, since Little Castle didn't know about his father possible condition mainly because Castle practically begged her not to tell anything to his daughter.

"I'm fine, I'm worried about dad." Alexis' voice shook slightly.

"Look I know he's been a little off lately, but he's gonna be okay, I already spoke with someone who's currently helping him." Beckett informed her.

"Yeah I know you're taking care of him, but that's not why I'm calling." She said.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm at the loft right now, but there's no one here."

"I'm sure he went out for a drink, god knows we all need one." Beckett tried to calm her down.

"I thought the same thing, but when I walked into his office…" Alexis voice died on the phone and returned almost in a whisper. "There was an empty bottle of scotch and a broken glass...I checked the room but it was empty and his phone is here, Kate he never leaves his phone…"

"Alexis calm down." Beckett said as panicky as she was herself. "What else can you tell me? This is important it might tell me where your dad is."

"Kate…" Beckett heard a gasp on the other end of the line. "He took his gun with him." As Alexis said that, Beckett's heart dropped to the floor and felt a cold down her spine.

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hey guys...okay so a couple of things before you go ahead and read...first, I'm trying to write as fast as I can so don't worry too much hahaha...and second...I hope you don't think I put Castle out of character or anything, but I do belive that anyone could be driven to a certain point where they would do anything...I did my research on psychological methods...it wasn't extensive but I did it anyway...just to make things clear, I don't own any of the character and As usual, PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW because it makes me update faster! ENJOY**

* * *

The only light on the building was that of Dr. Idra's consultation room. Beckett, Ryan and Esposito got out of their cars and quickly strapped their kevlar vests. The building was empty except for the night guard, as the three detectives walked inside. Flashing their badges they got up to the seventh floor.

It was quiet. The waiting room was empty, which they were grateful for. Leading the team, Beckett moved silently up to Idra's door and try to open it. It was locked, but she could hear someone pacing inside. That had to be Castle. They waited in silence, until they heard the unmistakable sound of Castle's scream.

"Don't lie! You killed Mary Sedgwick, Jessica Norton and Jason Walker! You sliced their throats and messed up with their brains!" In that moment, Beckett pushed the door open with her shoulder and walked into Idra's office.

The scene before her sent a chill through her veins. Castle was holding the gun with trembling hands and pointing it directly at Idra's skull. Strangely enough, the doctor didn't seem to acknowledge her presence or the other two detectives for that matter. The sight of Castle's unstable form broke her heart into a million pieces but she kept an impeccable expression on her face anyways. However, when Castle looked at her with those lost, stormy blue eyes, she fought the urgency to run and hug him and make it all go away.

"What is it Rick?" Idra's calm voice said. Castle let out a terrifying smile.

"It's over doctor." He said. "You're gonna go away for a long time."

"Castle put the gun down." Beckett said gently. But Castle didn't move.

"Rick what are you seeing?" Idra asked, faking concern.

"Stop the games Idra, it's over…" Castle said. His face was serious.

"Rick, who do you see?" The doctor asked again. Castle's face dropped. He knew Beckett was there, he wasn't hallucinating. Or was he?

"Doctor Idra, you're under arrest for the murder of three people." Beckett said firmly but didn't move. Idra ignored her and didn't even look at her. Her fiancé gazed at her looking for help, a sign that he wasn't crazy. "The game is over doctor Idra, now put your hands where I can seen them." She ordered, hoping her statement would help Castle in some way.

"Rick tell me who do you see?" At that point, not only Beckett but also Idra could see Rick Castle breaking...slowly, painfully. He was starting to doubt on his own reality. "We are alone in this room Rick, please tell me who do you see."

"Is not gonna work…" Castle gasped. "I know what's real and what's not." He took a step closer to Idra, just as Beckett gripped her Glock a little tighter. "The police is here and they're going to arrest you and not even your little sick manipulation can get in the way of it."

"Rick the police is not here." Idra reiterated. "We are alone." Castle broke a little more. "How long have you been experiencing hallucinations Rick?"

"Shut up!" Castle barked. "Or I will shoot you."

"Rick, stop." Beckett said. He looked at her. She never called him Rick. "Put the gun down."

"When you came in this room Rick, you were seeing something or someone over that corner." Idra pointed at where the dead man was standing with an arrogant smile. "What do you see?"

"The dead man." His voice cracked. His headache intensified. His vision was blurred. He no longer distinguished the corpse from Idra, or Beckett...if she actually was there.

"Oh please Rick you're pathetic." said the dead man in a mocking tone.

"No I'm not." Castle turned to the body. It was so blurry. "I'm not pathetic."

"Rick put the gun down." Beckett said again. When he looked at her, his eyes were disoriented. It scared the hell out of her.

"I can only imagine what kind of hell you must be going through right now Rick." Idra's soothing voice echoed in Castle's ears. "Not knowing what's real and what isn't."

"Stop it!" Beckett screamed to the doctor, but Castle was no longer seeing her. He actually came to believe she was a product of his own imagination.

"The worst part of all is that deep down you know what the rest of your life is gonna look like, don't you Rick?" Castle was shaking so badly it was hard to keep standing any longer. He used his left hand to support himself against a table nearby and with his right hand he kept pointing at Idra. "A lifetime of torture." The doctor continued. "Being confined into a white room, seeing doctors, going to therapy...is one of the worst things I've seen in my entire life."

"You're a coward Richard." said the dead man. "You couldn't even kill me properly. You fail to be a man even in your sleep."

"I'm not a coward." Castle said in a whisper. "I killed you."

"What are you talking about Rick?" asked Idra, his eyes fixated on Castle. Standing there, Beckett hadn't felt so helpless in her life. She couldn't approach Idra because if she made a move to apprehend him, it could turn into a tragedy and the last thing she wanted was to put Castle's life in jeopardy.

"Seriously Rick, you can't even get shoot the guy right in the head." the corpse said.

"Stop!" Castle yelled. "Please make it stop." He whimpered. Never in his life he'd felt this pain. It wasn't just his injuries all over his body, but the realization of not knowing what's real anymore.

"I can't help you make it stop Rick." Idra said. He finally had total control over him.

"But you know how this is gonna end, isn't that right Rick?" said the dead man. "You know exactly what to do, but you just can't do it, can't you?" It started laughing.

"I can't do it." Castle whispered and Beckett feared the worst.

"Yes you can, Rick." Idra said. "It'll be over in a second and you won't even feel anything." With that last sentence, Castle lowered the gun and stared at it for a second. His eyes showed nothing but defeat. He gave up. Beckett stomach dropped to the floor and the little color she had, drained from her face.

"No! Castle stop!" Beckett said loudly, but he wasn't listening to her. "Castle look at me, please...I'm real...please don't…" He turned the barrel of the gun to his own throat and looked at her. He had tears in his eyes. "Castle I'm real...please put the gun down." She was growing desperate. "You promised me 'Always' Castle, remember?" Her voice was shaking. She was afraid. "Please don't pull that trigger."

Castle gave Beckett one last look. A shot rang out. A body dropped on the floor.

* * *

**A/N: More to come soon...**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hey guys...I'm soo soorry it took me this long but with the recent episodes I was literally mesmerized by them...and off course lack of inspiration does awful thing to u...BUT the wait is over hahaha I think I will probably write one or two more chapters...anyway...as usual PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW because every review keeps me moving forward :) ENJOY!**

* * *

Is that feeling you get, when you know something is wrong, but can't quite tell what it is. You feel lighter, but heavier at the same time. It's like you forget about your sight, your smell, your taste. You can only hear, but what exactly do you hear? Is it the vast ocean of nothingness that is before you, or the voices that tell you not to give up. Either way, is something you never want to feel, because it makes you powerless against your own mind and body.

You try to open your eyes, but you realize that they are open and you don't understand what's going on. You try to walk, but you don't move. It's a desperate state that you can only imagine it would actually happen. But you don't give up. You keep trying to make some sense of what's around you and to see something. You can still hear the voices but can't understand what they're saying. It's a limbo and it's impossible to know how exactly you got there.

Time has been long forgotten. You're not even sure of your own existence, but it doesn't matter because in this alternate world, or limbo, or reality, all that matters is the fact that you no longer feel the pain of the mortals or the despair. Even though you feel comfortable in this new environment you also want to go back. You think of the love of your life with worry, love and sadness all at the same time, for is not sure whether you're going to see her again or not.

You can't quite remember the circumstances that put you there. You test yourself trying to figure out the last memory, the last emotion you felt and find out with both fear and excitement that the voices you were hearing become almost a cry for help. You want to respond, say that everything is going to be fine, but your mouth can't form words. Then, like the struck of a lightning, you realize why you are in this limbo.

Schizophrenia. Pain all over your body. Loneliness. Despair. It all comes back at you like a tsunami and hits you with all its force. However, in this new reality you can't feel anything. No pain, no loneliness, no despair. You're grateful for it, because finally you stopped suffering. The voices have quieted down. You can still hear them, but very far away. You feel lighter...maybe you can fly. You smile at the thought of flying. It's liberating. You move your legs, without the knowledge that you're actually moving.

You uselessly think about food, but you're not hungry. In fact, you realize that you don't miss food at all, simply because you don't need it anymore. You laugh at the thought of being hungry, because is just a human condition to be hungry and if you don't even know you exist, how are you going to feel hunger?

Even this limbo, this vast sea of black, is a paradise compared to what you left behind. You enjoy being alone, even if you think about Alexis, or Martha or Kate from time to time. Kate. All of a sudden you remembered she was the last person you saw and the question comes back; Why and how did you end up here? You start feeling somewhat heavier, as if that simple question was slowly pulling you down into a state of reason and emotion. Something very human, yet very familiar and it is that sense of familiarity the one that makes you wonder about something other than this infinite darkness.

Maybe this wasn't such a paradise after all. You want light and an explanation, but there's no one. You scream, plead for someone to hear you, in vain. Now, instead of that sense of freedom you felt before, you feel trapped. You keep going down, but you're not falling. You want to get out from the crushing sensation of loneliness and longing. It's hell! You think, except is not.

You can hear the voices clearer now. They say that you'll be fine...but where are they? Who are they? You don't feel fine, instead, you feel a piercing pain in your head and your body becoming heavier every passing moment. You feel something soft against your fingertips, but can't really identify the material. It is in that moment where the smell comes into the picture, clarifying the environment you happen to be in. It's clean. Too clean. Disinfectant? Alcohol? You can't open your eyes just yet, but you feel the bed sheets, the thin blanket against the fabric of whatever it is that you're wearing. There's something heavy on your index finger. On your face there's some kind of cable, connected to your nose. An oxygen line. You're in a hospital bed.

It is in that moment when you finally dare to open your eyes. You can't see anything at first, since your eyes are adjusting to the sudden change of lights. It's bright, but it's a natural brightness. It's daylight. Once your eyes focus, you take a peek at your surroundings. The room is small and white. The tiny TV on the far corner is turned on and on CNN. The left wall, has some x-rays you can only assume are yours. You turn your head and see an empty chair and a leather jacket. But the piece of clothing is not Beckett's. Weird. On the table next to the bed, there is a phone, a plastic cup and a plastic pitcher. You suddenly feel really thirsty and your throat sore.

There is only one thing missing, though. The dead man. Not that you're not happy about not seeing it, but you can't help feel uneasy without the creepy company. As you try to gently lift your head, a rush of dizziness comes, leaving you with no other choice that rest your head against the pillow. It is in that moment when you feel the bandage around your forehead. You lift your hand to find an IV, and a heart monitor attached to your finger. In the process you notice that your other hand has a bandage around your knuckles. Off course you can't remember punching anyone, even though you saw yourself on the security footage fighting Idra off. As if you needed some reassurance that this was real, you reach for your shoulder to find another bandage. You're back...from wherever it was that you were, yet Beckett is not there, or Alexis or your mother.

"Welcome back Rick." Through the door, came Caroline Bishop, smiling at him and holding a cup of coffee in her hand. She must've noticed how thirsty he was because before sitting down on the chair, she took the plastic cup and served him some water. He took it gladly. After he was done, Castle gave the cup back to Caroline as she sat down.

"Where's…?" Castle asked, his voice hoarse.

"Martha and Alexis are in a diner across the street, having lunch." She answered.

"And Kate…?"

"She's at the precinct, interrogating Idra." She could see Castle's disappointment, for Beckett wasn't there when he woke up. "Don't look so sad Rick, she was here last night and don't worry, I'll go as soon as your mother and daughter come back." She smiled.

"Do you know what happened?" Castle said with a slight tone of worry.

"Only what Kate told me." Caroline replied. "How much do you remember?"

That was a good question. He remembered a bunch of disconnected thoughts but didn't know which ones were real and which ones were product of his imagination. Besides that, he was still feeling a little groggy from whatever drug they gave him.

"Is kind of a blurr…" Castle answered. "The last thing I remember is being in Idra's office."

"I don't feel in a position to tell you what exactly happened, maybe it would be better if we wait for your doctor to come." Caroline looked down and started playing with her fingers. She only did it whenever she was nervous.

"What aren't you telling me?" Castle asked, but before she could answer a man came in the room. He was wearing the classic doctor white coat, which presented a contrast with his dark skin and dark hair.

"Good afternoon Mr. Castle." The doctor said with a faint indian accent. "Is nice to see you awake, may I ask how are you feeling?"

"Like someone split my head in two." Castle replied in a low voice.

"Yes, that's perfectly normal after a brain surgery." The doctor explained.

"Brain surgery?" Castle turned to look at Caroline.

"I think the doctor will explain better than I possibly could."

"As I said before Mr. Castle, you had brain surgery last night." The doctor continued. "Your test results revealed a small tumor in you brain, that turns out to be the cause of the intense swelling and therefore severe hallucinations."

"Wait, so I'm not crazy?" Castle asked with a huge smile on his face.

"I'm afraid not Mr. Castle." The foreign doctor smiled. "Now, I need you to answer a couple of questions if you don't mind. It's just routine procedure."

"Sure."

"Okay, full name please?" The doctor started.

"Richard Edgar Castle."

"What year are we in?"

"2014"

"Who's your family?"

"My mother Martha Rodgers, my daughter Alexis and my fiancée Katherine Beckett."

"Could you lift your arms for me please?" Castle did so. "Alright, now move your toes." the doctor lifted the blanket, revealing Castle's toes as he move them. "Good. Now, one last thing...how much do you remember?"

"Uhmm...I was at Dr. Idra's office...we uhm...were arguing...I can't remember anything else." Castle said. Off course is wasn't entirely true, but he was afraid to know which memories were real and which weren't.

"Well Mr. Castle, it appears everything is going smoothly with your recovery, however, I'm going to keep you here for another two days, due to the brain swelling." The man wrote something on Castle's chart.

"Is the swelling normal?" Caroline asked.

"Yes, it comes with every brain surgery, but we'll monitor it and treat it with medication." he closed the chart and headed to the door. "If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to page me."

"Will do doc." Caroline said and the man left the room. After that Caroline stood up.

"Where are you going?"

"To update Kate." and she left the room, leaving Castle with the soft sound of the CNN newscaster.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It had been a long morning for Detective Beckett. Not only she did not sleep in that uncomfortable hospital chair, but she's had little coffee since Martha and Alexis told her to go home and get some rest. Off course, she didn't go home after that. They had Idra, but they needed the confession and after what she witnessed at Idra's office, she was gonna do anything in her power to get one. Ryan and Esposito took the doctor to the interrogation room and tried to break him with no luck.

"He's not breaking." Esposito said while he and Ryan joined her in the breakroom.

"I wanna be alone with him" Beckett said resolutely and finishing the rest of her coffee in one big sip.

"Beckett are you sure?" Ryan said. "I mean we all saw what happened in that office…"

"As soon as I get a confession, then I'll be okay." Beckett answered.

"We'll be in observation." Esposito said and before Beckett could reply, he added. "That's non-negotiable."

"Fine." Then, as Beckett went into the interrogation room, Ryan and Esposito opened the door behind it. Doctor Idra was sitting calmly when Beckett walked in. The paramedics treated him in the scene determining that Castle's shot was through and through, so Ryan and Esposito took him back to the precinct as Beckett rode with an unconscious Castle to the nearest hospital.

"Dr. Idra, you have been informed of your rights is that correct?" Beckett said coldly while looking at Idra repositioning his sling a little.

"Your partners were kind enough to do so." Idra answered just as coldly as Beckett.

"Mary Sedgwick, Jessica Norton and Jason Walker were patients of yours right?"

"That's correct, now what does that have to do with anything? Why am I here?"

"You surprise me doctor." Beckett let out a small chuckle, full of poison. "You never struck me as dumb."

"Not dumb Detective..."Idra smiled. "Just confused. Obviously there is something you are not telling me." Beckett knew that Idra was trying to make her lose her patience, but she was not gonna let that happen.

"Please doctor, stop messing around." She shot back. Then, she took out the crime scene photos of the three murders and placed them in front of the doctor. "You killed them doctor, that's why you are here, now I have better things to do than just sit here running in circle when we both know you murder them."

"Well...obviously you don't have better things to do, since you are here instead of being with Rick." Low blow. "Now, suppose I killed them, what's my motive Detective?"

"Revenge." Beckett said simply.

"Against whom?"

"Castle." Idra let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but I hadn't met Rick Castle until tonight."

"Stop lying." Beckett snapped as she took out a paper from the case file. "This are Richard Castle's psychological records, showing that you treated him when he was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia."

"I didn't misdiagnosed him." Idra said as he regretted it immediately. Beckett smiled in victory.

"So you admit to know him." She stated. Idra glared at her.

"Still it doesn't give me motive to kill three random people." He was started to lose control.

"Not random doctor." Beckett said calmly. "Three patients of yours, who happened to file a complaint for malpraxis against you, that sounds like a motive to me." Idra remained quiet. "We also found a gun in your drawer, which I'm sure you wouldn't have hesitated to use against Castle, am I getting warmer?"

"Detective…" Idra sighed. "Seems all you have is pure speculation, now where is the evidence?" Beckett could tell that the doctor was starting to get uncomfortable as he readjusted his sling one more time.

"We have security footage of you at the crime scene in the days previous to the murders." Idra didn't say anything. "And not only that, we know that you talked to Mary and Jessica's ex-boyfriend Trent Premer, before they were killed." Beckett was met by silence from Idra's part. She didn't say anything, she just continued glaring at him straight in the eyes until he breaks. The tension was so thick, one could cut it with a knife, yet the detective remained silent.

"Let me tell you a story detective." Idra finally said without losing his coolness. "When I was 15 my sister and I went to a party." He looked at the table. "Our parents were out of town and we thought it was a great opportunity we couldn't miss." Beckett listened carefully. "As soon as we got there, my sister and I got separated and I didn't even care enough to take care of her. As people started to leave I saw my sister and three other guys leaving through the back door. I off course followed them." Idra's eyes darkened considerably. "We ended up in an alley behind the building. We were all pretty much drunk and then one of the guys pulled out a gun." Idra slightly touched his bandaged shoulder before continuing. "I asked my sister what were they gonna do with it and with her drunk voice she said that they were gonna play the Russian Roulette."

"What does that has to do with this?" Beckett asked.

"It was a guy named Richard Rodgers the one who pulled the trigger and kill my sister that night." Beckett couldn't believe what she just heard. Castle had killed someone? That couldn't be true, and even if it was why wasn't there any record of the incident? If Castle killed someone she'd have known about it, when she first arrest him all those years ago.

"What happened to the body?" Beckett asked, still in disbelief.

"After the shock of my own sister dropping dead in a filthy alley, Rick made us swear no one would talk about this and then we bury her body." Idra said in regret. "I couldn't go to the police without exposing myself and the others and without my parents knowing we ran out of the house to get drunk in some party." Idra's voice shook. "After that night, I made my sole purpose to break Rick as he broke me...make him believe that he was insane...shaking his own reality...destroy him in such a profound way he couldn't go back."

"It didn't work." Beckett snapped. "He's alive. He shot you."

"He was ready to kill himself Detective. He reached his breaking point and he's going to have to live with the fact that he wasn't strong enough to do it." Idra said with venom in his voice. "He's not coming back from this Detective. I got what I wanted."

"He's not schizophrenic." Beckett said simply as she stood up and walked to the door. "He had a brain tumor. And for the record, you actually helped him become a better writer if not the best writer I've ever read. Your need for revenge, only made him stronger." Then, she shut the door behind her. Her phone rang. "Beckett."

"Hey Kate, he's awake." Caroline said over the phone.

"How is he?" Beckett asked immediately.

"Good, the doctor just came and checked all his brain functions, so far no complications."

"I'm on my way." Beckett was grabbing her coat and car keys.

"Good, because he's asking for you." Then, Caroline hanged up.

* * *

**A/N: More to come...**


End file.
